Unfiltered Story #28012

(I’m chatting online with a friend, who’s telling me about how he treated himself to a restaurant for lunch.)

Friend: “My stomach is crying tears of joy and my wallet is crying tears of a wholly different variety.”

Me: “Heh.”

Friend: “Written on back of >25% tip: Please pick one – wonderful server or complete dreamboat. Doing both like that is simply unfair.”

Me: “Aw, you sweetie patoot.”

Friend: “Okay but he was.”