He Beat Him To The Punch

(I have been taking martial arts classes and have just tested for a green belt, which is an intermediate belt. During the test, I receive high praise from the instructor for the accuracy of one of my kicks. In school a week later, I’m waiting in the hall after lunch to get into my classroom. I’m also considered one of the “uncool” kids because I’m really hyper and nerdy.)

Me: “Hey [my name]!”

(I look down the hall at him, ready to be teased. He starts yelling a bunch of faux martial arts noises while running at me. I grit my teeth because I’ve been mocked for studying martial arts and have been fed up with being teased.)

Annoying Kid: “Hyaaaaaaaaaaa-woof!”

(He woofs because I kick him in the gut with a side-kick while he was preparing to run into me. He collapses to the ground, winded. A teacher across the hall opens up his door.)

Teacher: “What the h*** happened here?”

Annoying Kid: *points at me* “He… kicked… me…”

(I hang my head because I know I’ve just used martial arts to hurt somebody who wasn’t going to physically hurt me.)

Teacher: *to annoying kid* “Get up and get back to your class.”

Annoying Kid: “But—”

Teacher: “Now. Or I’ll send you to Mr. [principal’s name] office.”

(The annoying kid walks off.)

Teacher: *to me “And you, young man.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Teacher: “That was an impressive side-kick. Keep up the training.”

(The teacher walks back into his class.)

Teacher: *to his class* “And what have we learned from the gentlemen outside, class?”

Student: “Don’t p*** off a kung-fu guy?”

Teacher: “Don’t p*** off anyone, especially a guy that can kick your a**.”