Hasn’t Found His Calling Of Duty

(I have this one coworker that I always knew was going to be interesting. On his first day I had to explain to him THREE TIMES how to use a step ladder. One day, as I am getting my things to leave for the day, he strikes up a conversation. His conversational skills are nil and usually result in massive face-palming and slightly less hope for humanity.)

Coworker: “So, did I tell you I’m on a diet?”

Me: “No, you didn’t…”

Coworker: “Yeah, I gotta lose like at least 150 pounds because I decided to enlist in the army.”

(This guy is 6’3” and easily 350 pounds.)

Me: “Really? Are you serious?”

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s time I actually DID something with myself. I bet it’ll really help me out with stuff like responsibility, decision making, and following directions, you know? I need to lose a lot of weight first, though.”

Me: *amazed at both his decision and the sheer normalcy of the conversation* “Oh, wow. Well ,good luck to you! I hope everything goes okay.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I should kick a** at, like, army stuff and blowing stuff up and shooting bad dudes, because I’m pretty good at Call Of Duty. Except when I play online; I get ganked a lot online.”

(Aaaand there it is.)