Has No Reservations With Her ‘Babies’

(As part of the tourist information service, we offer to arrange accommodation for visitors. Mostly these people turn up on the day, but occasionally we do get a few phone calls ahead of time. Usually these callers are elderly and therefore without Internet to look for their own accommodation.)

Me: “Bore da, Canolfan Groeso [Town]. Sut ga’ i helpu chi? Good morning, [Town] Tourist Information. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, please. I need a bed and breakfast for a week.”

Me: “Sure, I can try and find you vacancies. I can either pass on accommodation details or complete the booking for you, for a small fee deductible from the overall accommodation cost.”

Customer: “Great. I’d like to book through you if I can.”

Me: “Well, I’ll do my best. I’d like to know a little more about your itinerary if I may. I’ll need your name and phone number first of all, and then the dates you’d like from and to, as well as the number of your party.”

Customer: “Well, my name is [Customer] and my contact number is [Number]. I’d like anything for a fortnight in August, really. And there’s seven of us.”

Me: “Okay. I will just let you know now, that I may have to call you back the following day, rather than within the hour, unless you’re willing to compromise. Most accommodation for [Town] gets booked up over a year ahead. Placing seven of you for a fortnight may be difficult. If you don’t mind self-catering I can see if any of our larger registered properties have had cancellations.”

Customer: “Oh,dearie; they’re only small.”

Me: “Wait a minute… the seven. Asides yourself, are the other six in your party adults or children?”

Customer: “It’s me and my six babies.”

Me: *nearly choking since the customer sounds to be in her 70s* “Excuse me, just to clarify; you did say SIX babies?”

Customer: “That’s right, dearie. They’re only small. We’d all fit in one room. I usually let them sleep in my bed.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, just so you’re aware, most accommodators will not take more than two children per adult, particularly with infants, since if there were unfortunately a fire it might be that you could not get all of your children out safely. I really think you’d be best off searching for self-catering in a bungalow or chalet where it’s all on the ground floor.”

Customer: “Nonsense, dearie; their little legs work just fine. I often get a wrenched shoulder when I take them for walkies.”

Me: *twigging* “Ma’am, when you say seven in your party, do you mean yourself and six dogs?”

Customer: “Of course I do, dearie! But not just ANY dogs. They’re Westies you know. They’re all so sweet.”

Me: “I appreciate that they probably are, ma’am, but I can tell you now that none of the accommodators in [Town] will take six dogs. We have to push to get them to accept two or three per room. I honestly feel you’d be better off trying to self-cater. We have some farm accommodation that runs bed, breakfast ,and self-catering. You could try booking into a self-catering for a fortnight and then paying for breakfast by a separate arrangement?”

Customer: “What do people have against my babies? They’re all so sweet. How could anybody turn them down?”

Me: “Ma’am, I am sure they are great dogs – and please do not take offence – but I’m afraid not everybody is a dog lover, and some people have allergies. I also think that the majority of B&B accommodators may worry about noise with that many dogs. If you self-catered you’d have a whole cottage or bungalow to yourself. If you booked into a farm then you could leave them in the apartment whilst you went over for breakfast. Some of our farm accommodators even provide dog food for your stay, for an extra charge.”

Customer: “Nobody will hate my babies! Leave them in the apartment? No! They must have places at the table for every meal! EVERY meal!” *click*

Me: *down the now dead phone line* “Oooookay, then. Good luck finding somewhere.”

(She never called back, I’ve yet to hear from any of our accommodators as to whether she tried to book!)