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    Has No Meat Between Their Ears

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I wear a leather duster, leather hat, and leather boots. I am working a booth for my employer and am approached by a customer.)

    Customer: “Leather is murder.”

    Me: “Well, the animal died for its meat. Might as well use its skin.”

    Customer: “Meat is murder.”

    Me: “Okay, so is eating anything else.”

    Customer: “I am a vegan. Nothing I eat or wear is alive.”

    Me: “Plants are alive.”

    Customer: “But they do not feel and are not really alive.”

    (I spot her leather boots.)

    Me: “What about your boots?”

    Customer: “They are made from vegan-friendly leather.”

    (I look again at the obvious cowhide name-brand boots.)

    Me: “They look like cowhide to me.”

    Customer: “But they are VEGAN friendly. The salesperson told me. I think they come from a leather tree. You know like a rubber tree.”

    Me: “There are no leather trees. They came from a cow.”

    (The customer is getting really mad and shouting at me.)

    Customer: “This isn’t about me wearing vegan leather! This is about you wearing non-vegan leather!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but there is no such thing as vegan leather.”

    Customer: “The salesperson told me it was vegan friendly. I bought them from [Major Boot Chain] and they wouldn’t lie.”

    Me: “Sorry, but the only place you get leather is the skin of an animal.”

    Customer: “Well, then cows must shed their skin like a snake and they used that. But this IS vegan leather.”

    Me: “If a cow sheds its skin it dies. That is how you get the meat out.”

    Customer: “LEATHER IS MURDER!”

    (The customer walks off pointing at me and yelling ‘murderer!’)

    Me: “Next?”

    Following Customer: “Did that just happen?”

    Me: “I would love to know what happened at the leather store that sold her the boots.”