Fear And Loathing Of Your Girlfriend

(My girlfriend is kind of a ‘90s riot-girl. I´ve had a hard time giving her a ‘pet name,’ as everything just seems wrong. Calling her ‘baby’ or ‘honey’ makes me feel really uncomfortable, and she doesn’t like it much either. However, lately I’ve started making fun of the whole thing using a modified quote from her favourite movie, “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. She thinks it’s awesome, so I keep using it. We are at a house party with a bunch of my friends. They all really like my girlfriend, and keep telling me to hold on to her.)

Girlfriend: “So, I’m getting another drink. Want one?”

Me: “No, thanks. I’m good.”

(My girlfriend gets up and walks towards the kitchen. I lift up my bottle of beer, only to realize that it is actually close to empty.)

Me: *shouting* “Hey! Sweetie, honey, baby, child, WHATEVER! Get me another beer!”

(At this point, ALL the people in the room have turned to me and are giving me the evil eye.)

Me: “NO! Wait! She… It’s an inside joke! She finds it funny!”

(Everyone is still glaring.)

Me: *to girlfriend* “Please…”

Girlfriend: *bursts out laughing* “MAN! I wish I could keep a straight face right now! Your friends would MURDER you!”