Customer: My wireless network’s down. The modem says it’s connected but none of us can browse.

Me: “Can you ping the modem? … No? Ok, I’ll need you to connect to the modem with a cable, and log into the configuration page. Great. Now click on the ‘wireless’ tab.”

Customer: “There’s no wireless tab.”

Me: “What model of modem do you have?”

Customer: “An Open 624.”

Me: “Not the 624W?”

Customer: “No, I told you, the 624.”

Me: “Um…that is not a wireless capable modem.”

Customer: *exploding* “Don’t bulls**t me! You sold me this piece of crap! It had wireless until yesterday and now it doesn’t!”

Me: “Did any of your neighbours move out?”

Customer: “What the h–…Oh.”

Me: “Shall I put you through to the Modem Sales department?”

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My Neighbor Broke, Can You Fix It