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    Going Nuts For Nuts

    | County Limerick, Ireland |

    (A customer comes up to my counter; he seems to be on something because he’s grinding his jaw and his pupils are dilated.)

    Me: “Hi there, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I need some f***ing nuts and bolts now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, this is the butcher’s counter. You’ll find some nuts and bolts in the hardware section.”

    Customer: “But I love nuts. Don’t you love nuts? They’re so shiny and they are just so useful!”

    (The customer keeps talking and talking, so I take it on myself to walk him to the hardware section to get his nuts and bolts.)

    Me: “Here you are sir, your nuts and bolts.”

    Customer: “Thanks, man!”

    (I watch as the customer gets dozens of nuts and bolts and heads to the front of the store. Without warning, he starts hurling them at the checkout girl. Another coworker and I wrestle him to the ground, but not before he crams some of them into his mouth begins to choke on them. Thankfully, we’re able to stop him. The ambulance and the police arrive shortly thereafter and take care of things from there. Craziest 10 minutes of my life.)