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    Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death

    | Livonia, MI, USA |

    Me: “What can I get you to drink, sir?”

    Hospital patient: “Coffee.”

    Me: “Well, it looks like you’re on a Cardiac diet, which means you can’t have caffeine.

    Hospital patient: “You asked me what I wanted, and I want coffee.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I can’t give it to you.”

    Hospital patient: “This is ridiculous! I’ve been drinking coffee every morning for the last sixty years. I want my coffee!”

    Me: “Sir. You are on a CARDIAC diet. That means that you can’t have caffeine, or extra sodium, or fat. It could make your condition worse.”

    Hospital patient: *tries to pull a fast one* “My doctor told me I could have it.”

    Me: “Well, your doctor needs to put it into our computer, otherwise I could lose my job.”

    Hospital patient: “MY DOCTOR SAID I COULD HAVE IT!”

    Me: “Sir, I know you’re lying. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be on this diet.”

    Hospital patient: “GIVE ME THE F***ING COFFEE!”

    Me: *loses patience* “DO YOU WANT THE COFFEE OR DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?!”

    Hospital patient: *sheepishly* “Can I have apple juice?”