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    Girly Man

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    (This big, muscular guy comes in for a massage. We assign clients randomly and he got stuck with me, 110 lbs of girl.)

    Tough guy: “I requested a male therapist.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, would you like to go back? They’ll give you to the next guy when he’s ready.”

    Tough guy: “How long will that take? I’ve been waiting for two hours!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m sure it won’t be much longer. We can go back and they’ll put you at the top of the wait list.”

    Tough guy: “No! Let’s just do this already.”

    (He explains that he likes “very deep pressure” and wants a deep-tissue massage with “lots of elbows”. He tells me to go as deep as I want because, “You’re not going to hurt me.” 30 seconds later, as I’m using my hands…)

    Tough guy: “Ow, that’s too hard! Don’t go so deep!”

    (I lighten it up a lot and start to run my forearm down his back, and he starts dramatically wincing and squirming all over the table.)

    Tough guy: “OWWWW, that’s too hard! You need to go lighter!”

    (By the end of the massage, I was just brushing him with my hands, his tolerance was so low. The next week, I got his comment card back.)

    Tough guy’s comment card: “You beat the s*** out of me and I’m never coming back here again!”

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