Girls’ Night Shout

(My friend and I are trying out a new bar we have heard good things about for a girls’ night out. There is a guy who has had an eye on one of us the whole evening that we had been trying to avoid. However, he manages to sit himself next to us at the bar.)

Him: *to my friend* “Hey, let me buy you a drink.”

Her: “No, thank you.”

Him: “Aw, come on. I know you’ve been eyeing me all night.”

(Admittedly, this was partially true, but only because we were trying to see if he was still following us.)

Him: “I know you want a piece of this.”

Her: “No, thank you, I’m in a relationship.”

Him: “So what?”

Her: “Excuse me?”

Him: “I said, ‘So what?’ I’m sure I can make you forget all about him.”

Her: “How dare you?! How dare you assume that my relationship is inconsequential? If it did not matter, I would not have brought it up! And how dare you assume that I am so vapid and fickle that I would throw away a relationship that I consciously choose to be in for a one-night-stand with a stranger? How dare you think your own brief satisfaction so much more important than the emotional well-being of a man you don’t know? The only reason I mentioned being in a relationship was because I wanted to be nice and turn you down without implying any fault in you. Now I see that I was incredibly misguided. In the few sentences you’ve said, you have proved that you are a primeval, misogynistic, self-centered a**-hole who views women as nothing more than glorified sex toys. Even if I were not in a relationship, I would never consider doing anything with you.”

(By this time, many of the surrounding people, particularly the women, have fallen silent and are watching us intently.)

Him: *after a moment of shock* “Well, if I had known you were such a c***, I wouldn’t have bothered.”

Her: “Again, you prove my point. You try to insult me by using a word that implies that my having a vagina is something to be ashamed of. I am inherently proud of being a woman, and would much rather it than the penis that has given you such an undeserved sense of entitlement, arrogance, and ego.”

(He slams his beer down on the counter and storms out. All the surrounding patrons seemed stunned beyond words.)

Bartender: “That guy has been harassing women here for ages, but has never done anything bad enough that we could kick him out. For the rest of the night your drinks are on the house.”

(We had women coming up and to my friend and thanking her, telling us story after story about him. We’re now regulars at that bar, and haven’t seen him since.)