(I am a dentist about to give a patient a shot of local anesthetic).

Patient: “I hate needles. Will this hurt?”

Me: “Just concentrate on taking nice, deep breaths. It’ll be
over before you know it.”

Patient: “Could you please tell me when you’re ready to give
the shot? I need to know!”

Me: “Sure. I’ll give it on the count of three. Ready? One, two–”

Patient: *screams* “You’re killing me! It hurts so much!”

Me: “I haven’t actually given you the shot yet.”

Patient: “Oh. Well, um, I was just practicing for when you did.”