(I work the night shift at a popular big box store and have answered a phone call at around 3 am.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What is your return policy on food if I don’t have a receipt?”

Me: “Without a receipt, you can exchange food items for other food items, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I bought meat and it leaked blood all over my fridge!”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that. If you bring in the meat, we can exchange it and make sure the new package is wrapped up so it won’t leak.”

Customer: “Well, how about I take it to the hospital and have it x-rayed to see if you tampered with it, hmm!?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m going to take this meat to the ER, right now, and have them x-ray it because you tampered with it!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you want to take meat to the hospital at 3 am and have it x-rayed, you’re certainly welcome to do so.”

Customer: “That’s right! I am!” *slams phone down*

Coworker: “Did you just say someone was x-raying some meat?”

Me: “I’m going on break.”