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    From The Odd Couple To The Applauded Couple

    | Canberra, Australia | Bigotry, Top

    (I am working the day shift at our grocery store. I’m almost always working with the same two coworkers: Coworker #2 is a great, if manically excitable actor, while Coworker #1 is a very flamboyant gay who usually styles up his uniform. The customers love them, since they’re best friends and spend most of their time bantering back and forth like an odd couple. On this day, a man and a woman, both clearly tourists, walk over to the counter.)

    Man: *to Coworker #1* “Hey there! We were just wondering if you keep any good brandy in stock?”

    Coworker #1: “You are in luck, sir! What takes your fancy?”

    (From the moment he speaks, the man’s face goes from a friendly smile, to a grimace, to a particularly vicious glare.)

    Man: “OH. MY. GOD!”

    Coworker #1: *concerned* “What’s the matter, sir?”

    Man: “Are you a f**?! Oh my God, they’ve got a f** working the counter!”

    Woman: “You should be ashamed of yourself! There are children here!”

    (I won’t write out in full what they said, but the man and woman start screaming expletives at him, and accuse him of everything from raising the prices to poisoning the cigars. It’s all very bigoted and disgusting, and the other customers present are horrified while Coworker #1 is almost in tears. Suddenly, Coworker #2, who has just come out of the back, hears this and pushes through the crowd.)

    Coworker #2: “Excuse me, folks?”

    Woman: “Oh finally, a God-fearing man! Can you please get that f** out of our sight?!”

    (Coworker #2 is straight, but he pushes the man aside and grabs Coworker #1 in a tender embrace.)

    Coworker #2: “Actually, I was going to ask you to get out. But when in Canberra…”

    (In front of the whole store, Coworker #2 sweeps Coworker #1 into an overly dramatic, passionate kiss right on the lips. In abject terror, the couple flees the store. The other customers in the store break out in applause.)

    Man: “This is DISGUSTING!” *flees out of the store with his wife*

    Coworker #1: *breaks out into a huge grin* “Speak for yourself!”