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    From Parallel To Perpendicular

    | Jackson, MI, USA |

    (In our hospital sleep lab, we have a bunch of rooms with beds for people to sleep on. Every room is monitored and recorded with a video camera so we can watch the patients while they’re sleeping. One day, my daughter’s math teacher came in…)

    Me: “Hey, Mr. ***! Let me hook you up and you can get to sleep.”

    Mr. ***: “Alright.”

    (I hook him up and tell him to try to sleep as quickly as he can.¬†We don’t give our patients sleep medication because that could interfere with their normal sleep habits. As I return to the control room, I hear hysterical laughter.)

    Me: “What’s going on?”

    Coworker: “Who did you say that guy was?”

    Me: “Oh! My daughter’s math teacher at her high school.”

    (Everyone laughs harder.)

    Me: “What is going on??”

    (My coworker points to the screen showing Mr. ***’s room. He’s masturbating.)

    Me, over the intercom: “MR. ***, PLEASE! You are being recorded!”

    Mr. ***: “But you said to go to sleep as fast as I can!” ¬†

    Me: “That’s not appropriate!”

    Mr. ***: “Well, fine! I guess a man can’t get any privacy when he’s trying to sleep!¬†YOU’RE inappropriate! Why the h*** were you watching me?!” *gets dressed and storms out of the hospital*