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    From Gills To Godly

    | Nanuet, NY, USA |

    Customer: *in a thick accent* “Hello, were you the girl I spoke to last night about my fish?”

    Me: “No, I’m not, but I’d be happy to help you.”

    (The customer whips out a Chinese food container holding a fish that is clearly on death’s doorstep.)

    Customer: “My fish…she is dying. I need you to heal her. If she is healed, I want you to give her back to me.”

    Me: “Well, sir, your fish honestly doesn’t look like it’s going to make it. I would be happy to replace your fish. Even though we will medicate your fish, I can’t guarantee she’ll survive.”

    Customer: “No… I don’t want another fish. I want this fish. I want you to heal my fish. I have been praying for it. When you heal my fish you should pray for it as well. It will heal faster!”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t say that I usually pray, but I will be sure to keep the fish in my thoughts.”

    Customer: “No. You must pray.”

    Me: “…sir, honestly, I don’t practice religion.”

    Customer: “You must pray.”

    Me: “…all right. I will pray for her, and I will make sure she gets the best care. Stop by later this week or call in and ask for me. I will be happy to give you an update, just please keep in mind that I don’t think your fish will survive.”

    Customer: “You must heal my fish. I will call you to see how she is. I am certain she will survive.”

    (It soon became clear that I should have prayed sooner, because the fish died ten minutes after the customer walked out the door.)