(I work in email and chat tech support, so one day, an email comes in.)

“Hello Miss Sir,

Please send me new one.  My wife’s has defected.

Boris”

——-

“Dear Boris,

Thanks for contacting us.  If your wife’s mp3 player is defective, we will be happy to replace it.  Please respond with more details on the problem.  If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us.”

Sincerely,
[Me]”

——–

“Hello Miss,

Yes, send new one. My wife’s has defecated.”