(I work in email and chat tech support, so one day, an email comes in.)

“Hello Miss Sir,

Please send me new one. ¬†My wife’s has defected.

Boris”

——-

“Dear Boris,

Thanks for contacting us. ¬†If your wife’s mp3 player is defective, we will be happy to replace it. ¬†Please respond with more details on the problem. ¬†If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us.”

Sincerely,
[Me]”

——–

“Hello Miss,

Yes, send new one. My wife’s has defecated.”