(I work in the “exotic phone call” industry. Most customers know they’re paying a lot of money for the call, so they don’t play games. But, every once in awhile, I get calls that even I find strange.)

Caller: “Oooh, hey, what’s your name?”

Me: “You can just call me ‘Candy.’”

Caller: “Oh, no, I’m diabetic. Can I call you something else?”

Me: “Well, my special callers call me ‘Silk,’ because I’m so smooth.”

Caller: “Hmm, no. I don’t like silk… or satin.”

Me: “Well, how ’bout this? What do you wanna call me?”

Caller: “Err… Cortana? Like, from Halo?”

Me: “Really? I LOVE Halo!”

(In the end, this caller and I talked about the Halo franchise for roughly three hours without discussing anything even remotely dirty. It was the most enjoyable call I’d taken all month. To show my appreciation for the conversation, I took 50% off of his bill.)