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    Me: “That’s ¬£26.50, please.”

    Customer: “Can I pay by card?”

    Me: “Sure. Please enter your card into the machine, and then put in your pin code.”

    Customer: “Right, are these machines waterproof?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “I wouldn’t get an electric shock from one, would I?”

    Me: “Err, no?”

    (Suddenly, the customer bends his head down and uses his mouth to cover up the keys. He then uses his tongue to try and push down the numbers of his pin code.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to stop! That’s incredibly unhygenic.”

    Customer: “But it’s the only way to keep it safe!”

    Me: “Have you considered covering the keys with your hand instead of your mouth?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it’s not as safe!”

    Me: “I’m afraid we’re just going to have to risk that. We can’t have you licking our machines.”

    Customer: “Bah!”