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    Food For Thoughtless

    | Derby, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (The store I work in is now a very popular coffee brand store. We’ve been open for two weeks. The building was previously a food and dining store, but the building had been empty eight months prior to our store opening.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not very d*** good now!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m ever so sorry to hear that! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I came here for some breakfast, but you’re not [old store] any more!”

    Me: “Well, we do have breakfast options. We can heat them for yo—”

    Customer: “NO GOOD! I WANTED HOT FOOD!”

    Me: “We can do you hot food; we offer porridge, and of course our lovely hot dr—”

    Customer: “IT’S S***! IT’S GARBAGE, THAT’S WHAT IT IS! I WON’T PUT UP WITH IT!”

    (While he’s steadily getting angrier, another customer has entered the store behind him.)

    Me: “Um, there’s not really much else I can do I’m afraid, sir. Was there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a… NO! I’ll go somewhere else. THIS IS TOTAL S***! What do you have to say for yourself?!”

    Me: “Er… I’m sorry but [old store] hasn’t been open on this site for almost a year, so there really is nothing I can do about it. If that is everything, I will just serve the next customer who has been waiting patiently. Thank you, have a good d—”

    Customer: “I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU! I WA—”

    Next Customer: “Well, she’s finished with YOU! You’re obviously bloody stupid; EVERYONE knows that [old store] hasn’t been here for ages! It’s too d*** early for you to be yelling at this poor girl! Now, sod off and let me get my coffee!”

    (The first customer all but runs from the store.)

    Me: “Wow, thank you for that! I’m so sorry you had to step in though!”

    Next Customer: “No worries, my darling! Hey, I recognise you; didn’t you work at [popular fast food store]?”

    Me: “Yup! Five years of putting up with customers like that; I think I may have brought them with me!”

    Next Customer: “Oh, dear me. Well, this is for you, darling! Keep that smile going!”

    (The woman hands me a £5 note, swiftly followed by several more from the other customers in the store, all of whom come over when they hear where I used to work!)