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    Five Feet Of Fury

    | AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (My girlfriend and I are at a friends shop looking for new training pads for her. She is a 5′ tall blond, who weighs 95 lbs. I am 6’1″ and 175 lbs, and the owner is about 6’4″ and 200 lbs. All of us have done different forms of martial arts for over 20 combined years. I am making small talk with the owner by the register, while my girlfriend is looking at more pads.)

    Customer: “Hey, where are your training pads?”

    Owner: “Just past the speed bags, on the right.”

    (About a minute later, we hear a small crash, followed by arguing. We rush over to find the man trying to grab the pads from my girlfriend.)

    Customer: “You stupid b****; give me those!”

    (He finally manages to pull them out of her hand.)

    Girlfriend: “H*** no, I got them first; give them back!”

    Customer: “You don’t even need them. I have a fight in two weeks!”

    Girlfriend: “Then you should have thought about that sooner!”

    (The customer finally notices us; he turns to the owner.)

    Customer: “Hey, I need to pay for these pads.”

    Owner: “No, she had them first. You need to give them back to her.”

    Customer: “No, she is just a dumb b**** who need to learn her place. Get me your manager.”

    Owner: “I am the owner here, and I’m going to insist you give the pads back to the young lady and leave.”

    Customer: “I need these pads! Who’s going to make me?”

    (My girlfriend is fuming, and it is pretty obvious. I cut in.)

    Me: “Just give her the pads back, man.”

    Customer: “What are you going to do?”

    Me: “Nothing, but she will.”

    (I point to my girlfriend; the customer laughs.)

    Customer: “That puny b**** couldn’t if she wanted to!”

    Girlfriend: “Just give them back you a**-hole!

    Customer: “You going to make me?”

    (My girlfriend kicks the man’s legs out from under him, grabs his arm, and puts it in a hold.)

    Customer: “Ow! You stupid b****; let go of me!”

    (She holds him down for a few minutes, until he starts to calm down.)

    Girlfriend: “Now, are you going to shut up?”

    Customer: *meekly* “…yes.”

    (She lets the man up, and he scampers out. My girlfriend then turns to the owner, and talks like nothing happened.)

    Girlfriend: “Okay, I think I’m all ready.”

    (Two weeks later, my gym had an exhibition with another gym. Guess who was my opponent?)