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    First Ocean To The Right, Then Straight On ‘Til Drowning

    | Vancouver Island, Canada |

    Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

    Man: “What’s the quickest way to get to Hawaii?”

    Me: “…probably via Vancouver International Airport.”

    Man: “What?”

    Me: “Look, I’m sorry, I’m not actually a travel agent. I can put you in touch with someone who can book you a flight–”

    Man: “I don’t wanna fly there! I could’ve done that from Seattle! I’m going to drive.”

    Me: “Over more than twenty-five hundred miles of ocean?”

    Man: “You can’t fool me. I know it’s not that far. Besides, it’s much cheaper to fly there through the Canadian part of America.”

    Me: “…no, Canada’s not–”

    Man: “I’m gonna report you for being unhelpful, missy. Now give me god**** directions to Hawaii if you don’t want your a** fired.”

    Me: “Turn left on to any pier you come across, and then drive straight on – you’ll get there eventually, and don’t worry about the water. You can probably sue for damages.”

    (Amazingly, he left, perfectly happy with my directions to essentially drown himself.)