Funny & Stupid Customer Stories - Not Always Right

Higher Speeds For Higher Powers

(Retail | Marietta, GA, USA)

Me: “Hello, is there anything I can help you with today?” Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a cable for my computer.” Me: “What type of cable did you need?” Customer: “Ethereal.” Me: “Um, you mean for internet? An ethernet cable?” Customer: “It’s for internet, but it’s not ethernet. It’s ethereal.” Me: “That’s not…um, maybe it’s [...]

An Injeaneous Idea

(Retail | Hingham, MA, USA)

(I work at the customer service desk at a large chain retail store that sells a lot of clothing. An elderly man approaches me looking rather distressed.) Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to report a shoplifting incident in your store.” Me: “Oh, okay; it happens sometimes. Can you show me where?” (He takes me to [...]

Introducing The Friends & Family & Deities Plan

(Retail | British Columbia, Canada)

(Two older ladies come in. One asks about our Tibetan Prayer Flags, which are quite popular. I’m new and listening in on my coworker’s explanation.) Coworker: “Traditionally, it’s believed that as the wind blows, it carries your prayers into the universe.” Lady #1: “Oh, that sounds just lovely. I like the idea of being connected [...]

Human Tested, Dog Approved

(Pet Store | Annapolis, MD, USA)

(A man and woman come to my register with a cart full of dog products. They have no dog with them, but the man notices the bowl of dog treats we keep at the registers for dogs who come into the store.) Man: “Can I have one of those?” Me: “Sure, go ahead.” Man: *takes [...]

Staying (Six Feet) Under The Radar

(College | Orono, ME, USA)

(Note: I work at a college financial aid office, and am speaking with the parents of a student.) Parent: “And why do you need my information?” Me: “We need the parents’ information for dependent students because they are still technically relying on their parents.” Parent: “What if I was dead?” Me: “But sir, you’re not [...]

Please Consult The Chameleon Circuit

(Bookstore | Melbourne, Australia)

(We’re a science fiction specialty bookstore. We also have a few other odds’n'ends around the store from series that do well, including several bits of Doctor Who merchandise.) Me: “Can I help you today, sir?” Customer: “All of your Doctor Who stuff is bootlegged!” Me: “I assure you it’s not, sir. As you can see, [...]

It’s High Time To Lay Off The Drugs

(Restaurant | Baltimore, MD, USA)

Me: “Hi, can I help you? Customer: “Yeah, when do you start lunch?” Me: “At 10:30, ma’am.” Customer: “Okay, so can I get [large lunch meal]?” Me: “No, ma’am, it’s still breakfast.” Customer: “But you just said you start lunch at 10:30!” Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it’s not 10:30 yet.” Customer: “What time is it?” [...]

Common Courtesy Goes Up In Smoke

(Retail | Ontario, Canada)

(A woman comes in to get a refund on a purchase she had just made about 10 minutes ago. However, our company does not offer refunds—only store credits or exchanges.) Customer: “I don’t want this anymore. Give me my money back.” Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I can’t give you your money back. It’s company policy, but [...]

Physically Checked In, Mentally Checked Out

(Hotel | Calgary, AB, Canada)

(I’m almost done checking in a hotel guest and am giving them the customary closing spiel.) Me: “We have a full hot buffet breakfast from 6-10 AM, which is included in your room rate. There is wireless internet throughout, with no password needed to log on. The pool, hot-tub, and gym are at the end [...]

Totally Scentsless, Part 2

(Retail | St. Louis, MO, USA)

Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything today?” Customer: “Yeah, ya’ll got some smell good?” Me: “I’m sorry?” Customer: “Smell good! Smeeeeeell good!” Me: “No, ma’am–” (The customer holds a bottle of perfume up and shakes it in my face.) Customer: “This! Smell good!”