http://notalwaysright.com Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:19:55 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en (I'm assisting a customer in the parking lot with her groceries. She presses the lock button on the driver's side door and closes it.) Customer: "Oh no! I locked my keys in the ignition!" Me: "Well, your back door is still open." Customer: "I know, I know, but my door is locked! D***!" Me: ... http://notalwaysright.com/when-one-door-closes-another-door-shuts/3075 Coworker: "Whoops, looks like there's a 30 cent late fee on here for [movie]. It was returned a day late, so your total will be $6.25." Customer: "What?! That's impossible! I returned it the day after I rented it!" Coworker: "Well, it was a seven day rental, and it shows here that ... http://notalwaysright.com/learning-by-example/3060 Me: "So, can I get you anything else?" Customer: "No, I'd like to make a complaint. The chicken was dirty. You didn't wash it off before cooking it. Could you take it off my bill?" Me: "But you still ate it?" Customer: "Yeah." Me: "You would get a discount if you sent it back, ... http://notalwaysright.com/you-cant-scam-your-cake-and-eat-it-too/3071 Me: "That will be 23.75." Customer: "Hey, weren't you that guy from Romeo and Juliet?" Me: "Yes, I was. Did you see the performance?" Customer: "I did, but why are you working here?" Me: "Oh, I do this to get some work while I'm not acting." Customer: "Oh, no!" Me: "What's wrong?" Customer: "This is one of ... http://notalwaysright.com/youre-not-on-candid-camera/3068 (A customer is doing a large cash withdrawal at our credit union.) Me: "Would you like large bills today?" Customer: "Yes. Can I get one thousand dollar bills?" Me: "The largest bill the fed currently makes is a one hundred dollar bill." Customer: "Well, they have them on game shows on TV!" http://notalwaysright.com/in-that-case-id-like-to-buy-a-vowel/3054 (I work as a plumber for a 5-star hotel. One day, I get a call from a guest with a clogged toilet.) Me: "Ah, okay...there's probably a bunch of hair clogged deep down in these pipes." Customer: "Well, can you get it out?" Me: "Yep. One sec." (As I reach my hand down deep ... http://notalwaysright.com/pissed-off-and-on/3058 (The cafe owners often bring their little one-year old girl with them, who sometimes plays with the register while standing on a crate. One day while I'm working on something else a few feet away, she's doing this as a customer approaches.) Customer: "I'd like to order a sandwich to go." Me: ... http://notalwaysright.com/now-accepting-cash-checks-and-cheez-its/3051 Me: "Okay, would you like the cake to say anything?" Customer: "Like what?" Me: "Happy Birthday? Happy Tenth Birthday?" Customer: "Oh! Well, if you could teach it to sing 'Happy Birthday,' that would be great!" (I think the customer is joking, so I write "Happy Birthday" on the cake as usual. Later on, the ... http://notalwaysright.com/the-cake-is-a-lie/3047 Me: "This is [office]. How can I help you?" Caller: "I was checking to see if you have received my fax." Me: "I am sorry, that has not been received." (I verify the fax number.) Caller: "Well, I wrote on the cover letter to call me if you didn't receive it. Why didn't you ... http://notalwaysright.com/taxing-faxing-part-3/3040 (I've finished ringing up a customer with a cart full of booze and cigarettes.) Me: "Your total today is $498.34." (The customer pulls out a check that has been taped together, having obviously been ripped in half at some point. It even has VOID written on it. He proceeds to scratch out ... http://notalwaysright.com/one-mans-trash-is-another-mans-half-measure/3036