(I’m serving on the registers. There is an enormous line of people, so many of them have been waiting more than ten minutes to make their purchases. I look at the man at the front of the line and call him up. As he is walking up to my counter, an old woman with a walking frame, with remarkable speed, pushes through the adjacent layby line and throws her items at me, then turns and glares at the other man. The customer I called waves his hand at me to let her through. We both assumed that due to her age, she may not have realised that she came in the wrong way.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Get on with it.”

Me: “Uh, okay. So, just checking, are you just purchasing these today? I noticed you were in the layby line before.”

Customer: “Of course I’m bloody well buying them! Why else would I be here?”

(She puts more items on the counter, rudely shoving another customer’s stuff to the side, making some clothes fall on the ground. My coworker and I quickly pick up the items so they don’t get dusty.)

Customer: “Why were you helping her? You’re supposed to be serving me, but you’re not doing a very good job of it!”

Me: “Some clothes got knocked on to the floor, so I was picking them up to make sure they weren’t damaged. Now, I’m happy to put your items through. Just so you know, next time you actually need to line up over there. There is a big line waiting for the registers, but that nice man let you through.”

Customer: “Well how was I supposed to know where to line up? There are no signs.”

Me: “Well… there are around 30 people standing in the line that you just walked past. Also the wall just behind me says ‘Purchases: Pay Here’, while the one you were at says ‘Layby’.”

(I point to all the large signs, but the customer isn’t even looking where I am pointing.)

Customer: “You need to put signs up. That’s misleading.”

(I ignore the last bit, since I’ve already explained it to her. I finish putting her sale through.)

Me: “Alright then here’s your bag and receipt; have a nice day!”

Customer: “I won’t! Because you RUINED it!”

Other Customer’s Small Child: “Wow. What a crazy old bat!”

Related:
She Crossed The Line

(I am having an e-mail exchange with one of Parole Officers that refers me a lot of clients.)

Parole Officer: “Has [new client] shown up yet?”

Me: “He was supposed to come to me about a week ago, but nope, still nothing.”

Parole Officer: “Okay, he’s on his way. He’s not the brightest crayon in the box, so you might have to explain the procedures to him a few times.”

Me: “Cool, good to know.”

(Several minutes pass.)

Parole Officer: “He apparently can’t find you. He called me a few minutes ago to say he was in the shower. I am confused.”

Me: “That’s a new one.”

Parole Officer: “I know, right? Job security.”

(I handle our catering and delivery orders at my store. A customer wants her check split between two credit cards. The second card number doesn’t work. Unless it’s fixed before the driver leaves, we cannot send a receipt with the driver. The customer doesn’t answer when I call, or return my call before the driver leaves. The customer later calls, but she never got my message, and actually would like to place another order for the next day. I finish up with the order for tomorrow,before bringing up today’s order.)

Me: “While I have you, I actually called earlier and left a message. We had an issue with your charges today. Did you receive my message?”

Customer: “Oh? No, I’m out of my office.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. We had a small problem with one of your card numbers; whoever you spoke to may have copied it down incorrectly. The driver will be unable to bring you a physical copy of the receipt today, because we were unable to charge the card before he left. We will still be able to split the payment, and fax over a copy of your receipt for your records after he returns.”

(We go over the card numbers, and she gives me the number I needed. Whoever copied it added an extra zero into it.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. When our driver returns, I can fax over a copy of this receipt.”

Customer: “Can you e-mail the receipt?”

Me: “We can’t really e-mail receipts. They don’t show up in our system for a few days and we don’t really have a professional method of e-mailing them.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t really have a fax number right now. Can I just call tomorrow with a fax number, and you can do it tomorrow?”

Me: “Sure, if that works for you, that’s fine.”

(When the driver returns, I split the payment and everything is fine. The next day, my coworker talks to the same woman on the phone when she calls to give us her fax number.)

Customer: “I’m very upset. I had to go through a lot of trouble to get my payment split yesterday.”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, our system isn’t designed to split payments, so it’s a little involved to make it work. I’m sorry you had so much trouble; what actually happened?”

Customer: “Well, I just wanted my payment split between two cards. It’s not difficult!”

Coworker: “Splitting a payment is not a normal function in our system. I’m sorry if you had some issues yesterday, but it seems to have worked out fine in the end.”

Customer: “Yes, well—”

Coworker: “I mean, was anything else wrong with your order? Was it late, or was the food not good?”

Customer: “No, it was on time. The food was fine.”

Coworker: “Did we forget anything with your order? You seem to have liked it enough to order with us again today, which we of course were happy to see.”

Customer: “Well, no, nothing was wrong with the order.”

Coworker: “So it was just getting your payment split that was a problem?”

Customer: “I was told that I could have my receipt e-mailed to me.”

Coworker: “I don’t know who you spoke to, but we aren’t readily able to e-mail receipts. They don’t show up in the system for a day or two and faxing them is really the fastest way to get them to you.”

Customer: “Well, this has just been such a hassle. I’m going to want to speak to a manager about this problem.”

Coworker: “Well, I am a manager, ma’am. What is it that I can help you with?”

Customer: “Oh… Well, that girl that I spoke to yesterday about this, she just really didn’t seem like she knew what she was doing at all.”

Coworker: “From what you’ve told me, she did everything exactly as she was supposed to do it. As I’ve said, splitting payments is not a normal function on our system.”

Customer: “I don’t know about that. She just seemed all over the place and unorganized. I think you really should talk to her about getting her act together.”

Coworker: “Well, ma’am, I really cannot see anything that she did incorrectly that I would need to speak with her about. Your order’s payments are accurately in the system, and split right down the middle. Is there anything else that I could do for you?”

Customer: “No, I guess not. Thank you.”

Coworker: “Thank you, ma’am. We’re happy that you enjoyed your lunch these past two days! Have a great day!”

(Later, I fax over her finalized receipt, with everything charged just the way she wanted it. I haven’t heard back from her yet!)

(Our store serves mostly older customers and families. We promote a very friendly atmosphere, calling customers ‘hon’ and the like. An older customer comes in for a coffee.)

Me: “Hi welcome to—”

Customer: “I want a large hot coffee, with two creamers, and six sugars, and nothing else. And I want the senior discount.”

Me: “Of course. After your discount, it comes to $2.06.”

Customer: “Add the senior discount.”

Me: “I already did, ma’am. Before the discount it was $2.29.”

(The customer gestures to another customer.)

Customer: “He got his for less. Why are you overcharging me?”

Me: “He works here; it’s just his day off. The employee discount is different than the senior discount.”

Customer: “Well, okay. So I owe you $1.73?”

Me: “No, $2.06. The $1.73 on your screen is before tax. Right below that you should see $2.06.”

Customer: “Thirty cents in taxes!?! I’m not paying that much!”

Me: “I can’t control how much tax is ma’am. Here, how about I buy your coffee today.”

Customer: “Two creamers, six sugars.”

(I make her coffee, and she takes it outside. Less than two minutes later, she returns, fuming.)

Customer: “This is so bitter!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can add some sugar for you.”

Customer: “How many did you put in?”

Me: “Six.”

Customer: “I only want six. Don’t put any more in.”

Me: “Okay, would you like non-sugar sweetener?”

Customer: “No! Just make my coffee sweeter!”

Me: “Hun, I don’t know how to make your coffee sweeter without adding anything to it.”

Customer: “I want a refund! You’re terrible!”

Me: “Your coffee was free. I can’t give you a refund on something free.”

Customer: “I want my money back! Get me your manager!”

(I got my manager, explaining everything. Eventually she ended up giving the customer a voucher for two free coffees, but not before I was called a “stupid, fat c***”.)

(A customer calls in requesting a password reset for his account.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll go ahead and reset your password to the default. It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

Customer: “Okay, those are all capitals, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir, all the letters in your username are capitalized.”

Customer: “And what did you say my password will be?”

Me: “It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

Customer: “And are those capitalized or lowercase?”

Me: “Well, it will be the last four digits of your social—”

Customer: “I know that! But are they going to be capitalized or lower case?”

Me: *gives up* “They’re going to be capitalized numbers, sir.”

Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

(Part of my job as a hostess is to stand out front and try to convince tourists to eat at our restaurant. Most nights a server or two will hang out there with me. Across the street we have metered parking, but that’s free after 6pm. A server and I are watching a man put change in the meter at 8pm.)

Server: “Sir! You don’t need to feed that; it’s free after six.”

Patron: “You don’t know that.”

Server: “Well, yes sir, I do. You don’t need to bother with that anymore.”

Patron: “No! I have to go to dinner, so I’m sure to be gone for the next hour and a half! I don’t want a ticket!”

(The server gives up.)

Server: “Understandable. Have a good meal, sir.”

(About two hours later, rotation has me standing back outside. This time I’m alone. The same man returns to his car.)

Patron: “I just found out there was no need for me to pay this meter after six. That would have been nice to know two hours ago!”

Me: “Sir, I was outside when my coworker told you there was no need to feed the meter.”

Patron: “That’s just not true. I wouldn’t have paid if someone told me not to. You should really inform people of that.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. Have a good night.”

Patron: “Would’ve been better if I hadn’t stuffed all my change into this stupid meter!”

(I work for a Singapore-based business. We support computer equipment, that often includes a free PC game.)

Customer: “Do y’all have any games that isn’t about [slur to describe Chinese people] or [slur describing black people]?”

Coworker: “Um, I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “F****** c****’s and n*****’s! All the games I got from your company have those people in them.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry you’re disappointed in the free games, but I’m going to have ask you to use more respectful language.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know they make you say that kind of nonsense. You’re going to have to replace these games though. I can’t play a game about those people.”

Coworker: “Like I said, sir, the games are free. If you’re offended, may I suggest not playing them?”

(My coworker presses the mute button and talks to the supervisor on duty.)

Coworker: “Can I disconnect someone for being racist?”

(The supervisor looks at the picture of my coworker’s very racially diverse family, and then picks up the phone.)

Supervisor: “Sir, I’m afraid that my c**** and n***** coworkers and I at our c**** company are going to have to ask you to take your racist game needs somewhere else. If you can find a single game anywhere that doesn’t have an Asian or Black person working on it, you are welcome to it. Please don’t call again.” *click*

(I am helping pack an old lady customer’s gift-wrapping paper into the long bags designed for them.)

Me: “So, that’s six rolls of wrapping paper for £2. The plastic bags are a bit thin, so I may have to put it in two bags of three.”

Customer: “No, no, no, that won’t do. Just squeeze it into one; it will be fine.”

(The wrapping paper rolls are small, so four or five will just fit in one plastic bag. The handles, however, fit so tightly over the paper they cannot be held properly.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got five in there but they are rather tight; another one in there may tear it.”

Customer: *creepy voice* “That’s what she said…”

(The whole shop is overcome by a stunned silence. My two colleagues next to me have stopped working, now with their jaws on the floor.)

Customer: “Speaking of which; shove it in there!”

(I managed to get the last roll in there, with it bent out of shape. She leaves with a laugh almost like a witch’s cackle, with the whole shop in silence.)

Me: *sigh* “Next customer, please…”

(We currently have a 50% sale on our store water bottles. It is late in the day, and we have sold out. I am currently organizing the shelves with jars of pickles.)

Customer: “Hi, I would like to know where the cases of your store water bottles are. I can’t seem to find them anywhere.”

Me: “I am really sorry, but because of the sale we have unfortunately sold out of the water bottles. We should be getting more in tomorrow when the delivery truck comes in.”

Customer: “What!? How can you be out of water! I want the water!”

Me: “I am really sorry. Today is the last day of the sale, so many people came in to get them. You can go to customer service, and they will issue you a rain check. You can come back tomorrow and still get the sale.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want a rain check! I want my d*** water now! I know you have them in the back stock somewhere! Stop being a lazy a**, and get me some water!”

Me: “Ma’am, I really am very sorry. We are completely out of water at the moment. If you came in a little earlier, we may have had some. It is almost the end of the day, and our other customers wanted to get the sale. The most we can do for you now is issue a rain check. You will just have to come back tomorrow. If you like, I can have a few cases held at the customer service desk for. They will be ready for you tomorrow.”

Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous! I want my d*** water now! Not tomorrow! NOW!”

(Just as my manager is about to approach us after hearing the yelling, the customer takes her arm across the pickle shelf, and smashes about 12 jars of pickles to the ground. I am completely shocked and dumbfounded.)

Customer: “There! That’s what you get for being a lazy a**, and not getting me my d*** water! I want my d*** water!”

Manager: “Ma’am! There is absolutely no reason for you to damage our merchandise and put my employee’s safety at risk. You could have seriously cut someone with all of this glass!”

Customer: “Well maybe if your lazy a** employees would do their jobs I wouldn’t have had to do that!”

Manager: “Like my employee nicely told you, we are out of the water bottles. We are getting a shipment tomorrow. She was even willing to go out of her way to make sure to keep a case for you aside when we got them in. But, since you decided to take things into your own hands, you are no longer welcome in this store.”

Customer: “I am the customer! You can’t do that! Give me my water!”

Manager: “Well too bad; I just did!”

(My manager calls security, and threatens to call the police if the customer doesn’t pay for all of the pickles. My manager then has her banned from the store without her water. I smelled like pickles for the rest of the night!)

(I work as a cashier in a charity store. All of our merchandise is donated, so we have no idea what items we will have for sale until they are in the store.)

Customer: “Do you have a blender?”

Me: “No, unfortunately we do not have any right now.”

Customer: “Okay, do you know when you will have some?”

Me: “You know all of our merchandise is donated right?”

Customer: “Yes, so when will have a have some blenders?”

Me: “Well, I suppose that would be when someone within the community realizes they have a blender they don’t need, and brings it to us.”

Customer: “Okay, so when will that be?”