Eternal D**nation, Pleasant Atmosphere

(I’m the manager of a customer service department, and this guy had been hassling our representative for 10 minutes, so I jumped on the call.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Listen, sweetie, I just want the phone number for [company].”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I just want the number for [company], so you can go ahead and give it to me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we cannot give out the phone numbers of our suppliers. Our customer service department is not supplied with them, as we cannot give them out. Just as we would not give out your phone number, we cannot give out theirs.”

Customer: “You’re lying to me. Give me the number! I work for a multi-billion dollar corporation, and we give out phone numbers all the time.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. Maybe you could look it up online.”

Customer: “Just let me speak to your secretary; she’ll give it to me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have one. Even if we did, she couldn’t help you.”

Customer: “You’re a liar! Do you got to church?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re a liar, and you’re going to burn in Hell.”

Me: “You know what? I’m okay with that.”

Customer: “What?! You’re going to burn in Hell!”

Me: “Well, as long as Hell is somewhere you’re not going to be, I’m still fine with that.”