Enter The Meowndarin

(I’m at a metalworking shop trying to get a piece of furniture repaired.)

Owner: “Yeah, we can fix this, but it may take a little while. We’d have to replace all of… oh, wait a minute.”

(He goes to the door and holds it open. An older man in a wheelchair enters slowly.)

Owner: “Hello again, [older man]. I’ll be with you in one minute. I’m just helping out a customer.”

Old Man: *in a thick German accent* “Don’t you vorry. Just to have looks at your new pieces.”

(The owner and I finish up, but the old man starts to leave. The owner goes to hold the door open for him, when suddenly…)

Old Man: “VOTCH DE CAAAAAAAT!”

(Sure enough, a feral cat comes flying through the open door and darts into the back.)

Owner: “Oh, s***. I had tuna for lunch.”

Worker: *from the back* “Oy, boss, there’s a cat eating your—OW!”

(We both hurry to the back to find the cat is eating the remains of a sandwich. Meanwhile, the worker is bleeding from his hand and is actually hiding behind a desk in fear.)

Me: “Uh, should I call the police?”

Owner: “No. OY, LARRY!”

Larry: *in another room* “BUSY!”

Owner: “We need your project!”

Larry: “What the f*** for?!”

Owner: “Feral cat.”

Larry: “…Gimme a minute.”

(It takes him a few minutes, in which the cat finishes the sandwich as well as the paper it was wrapped in. Finally, Larry comes through the door: from the waist up, he’s wearing plate armor including helmet and gauntlets, and over that he has a thick apron.)

Larry: “Claw through this, b****!”

(He grabs at the cat, but misses.)

Larry: “This stuff’s too heavy! Maybe if I—”

(Larru THROWS himself across the room, tackling the cat and grabbing it. The cat claws at him furiously, but can’t get through his armor. Unfortunately, he also spills a large bucket of nails all over the floor.)

Owner: “Go kick that cat out. We’ll get the nails.”

(Larry takes the cat out of the shop and comes back.)

Larry: “I think I may have just lost us a customer.”

Owner: “What happened?”

Larry: “There was a woman out there looking at the candlesticks, and she asked me what the h*** I was doing. So, I told her I was testing out the new order for the animal control department.”