• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Enough To Make You See Stars

    | London, England, UK | Top

    Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Is e-mail internet”?

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Caller: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet. Can I still read my e-mail?”

    Me: “Well, yes. You must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”

    Caller: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”

    Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up your browser for me, and tell me what you see?”

    Caller: “Open what?”

    Me: “Your browser…can you open up your browser?”

    Caller: “My…my…what?”

    Me: “It’s what you click on when you want to browse the internet.”

    Caller: “I don’t use anything. I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”

    Caller: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”

    Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. Your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”

    Caller: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”

    Caller: “My what?”

    Me: “The little box with green or, possibly, a couple of red lights on it right now. It’s most likely near your computer?”

    Caller: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights. Just get my e-mail for me.”

    Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”

    Caller: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”

    Me: “An error message?”

    Caller: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”

    Me: “Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Move it for me.”

    Caller: “Move it?”

    Me: “Yes. Move it.”

    Caller: “My e-mail!”