Emerging Non Emergencies Reaching Emergency Levels

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I work at the check-in counter for the ER. A patient comes in, dragging her very embarrassed teenage daughter behind her.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Patient: “Yeah, I’m bringing in my daughter.”

Me: “And what brings you to the emergency room today, ma’am?”

Patient: “My daughter.”

Me: “I see. What is wrong with your daughter that brings you in tonight?”

Patient: “Her monthly is irregular.”

Me: “So, you want to bring her to the emergency room for irregular periods?”

Patient: “Duh!”

Me: “Have you taken her to her family doctor?”

Patient: “No!”

(As we’re not legally allowed to turn away any patient, I begin the registration.)

Patient: “And me, too.”

Me: “You want to check yourself in, too, for irregular periods?”

Patient: “No! God!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What are we checking you in for?”

Patient: “Can’t you see it?!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Patient: “My face!”

(She shoves her face up close to mine.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but you’ll need to be a little more specific.”

Patient: “I got ‘the zits’!”

(Her face looks fine. I see one blemish that doesn’t even look like a zit.)

Me: “So, you came to the… emergency room… for adult acne?”

Patient: “YES! God, what are you, stupid?”

Me: “And have you seen your doctor about this?”

Patient: “No! This is my doctor!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the emergency room. We treat emergencies. We are not your regular doctor.”

Patient: “Yes, you are. FIX IT!”