Ejected From The Library

(I’m an assistant librarian. We have a section of computers for our patrons to use, located directly next to the children’s section. One day while I’m re-shelving kid’s books, I hear what sounds like people having sex. I turn to look and see an old man sitting at one of the computers watching VERY explicit p*rn.)

Me: “Sir! Excuse me, sir. I’m going to have to ask you to turn that off.”

Old Man: “No! This is a free country!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but not only is that inappropriate content, we’re right next to the children’s section. You don’t want any of them to see that sort of thing. Do you?”

Old Man: “It’s perfectly natural! They should see it! I knew all about this sort of thing when I was their age!”

Me: “…sorry, what!?”

Old Man: “My mother was a w****! I lost my virginity when I was ten! There’s nothing wrong with kids knowing about sex!”

Me: “There are so many things wrong with that statement that I can’t even list them.”

(I ended up having to call the police to remove him because he was making a scene. He was banned from the library, but he still tries to sneak in every few months to watch p*rn on our computers.)