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    Eau De Customer

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Yo, I need some headphones!”

    Me: “Over by the windows are where we keep the headphones. Have a look and let me know if you have any questions.”

    Customer: “Well, which ones should I buy?”

    Me: “Well, I tend to recommend Sony. They’re a little pricier, but the sound quality and durability are far better.”

    Customer: “I got money! Hold on.” *pulls out a fat wad of cash and starts counting it* “One hundred, two hundred. Yeah, I think I got enough.”

    Me: *smelling booze off him and realizing he’s drunk* “So would you like to go with a Sony, then?”

    Customer: “You like my coat?”

    Me: “What? Um, yes, it’s a very nice coat.”

    Customer: “Smell it. It’s real leather. Here.” *holds out coat*

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, I do not want to smell your coat.”

    Customer: “C’mon it’s a nice coat. I paid 175 dollars for that s***, ON SALE!”

    Me: *hesitates, but smells the coat* “Yes. It’s a very nice coat. Did you want to go with a Sony then?” *I notice my coworkers beginning to laugh*

    Customer: “Maaaaaaaan. C’mon. I got this nice coat, this cash. Maybe if I take some skin off my nose and put it on my dick…” *stumbles around*

    Me: *walks away*

    Coworker:: “What did he say to you? I saw that he was bothering you, so I called security.” *phone rings*

    Me: “Hello?”

    Store Security: “Hey, this is store security checking in. I’ve been watching this guy over the security cameras.”

    Me: “It’s okay, he left. I think he was drunk.”

    Store Security: *sort of laughing* “Yeah yeah, I know. Um….. Did he ask you to smell his COAT?”

    Me: *laughing hysterically*