Dysfunctional Doppelgangers

(An old, drunken man stumbles into our fast-food restaurant.)

Me: “Hello, how are you tonight, sir?”

(He stumbles to the front counter, leans over, and stares intently at my name badge.)

Me: “Umm, can I help you?”

Drunken Customer: *reads my badge* “Tahiiinaaa..”

Me: “…yes?”

Drunken Customer: “That’s a really pretty name. I want your name. Sell me your name!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you my name… do you want some chicken?”

Drunken Customer: “I. WANT. YOUR. NAME!”

(Suddenly, the drunken guy lunges over the counter and rips my badge off of my shirt, and runs out of the store laughing.)

Me: *To my manager.* “I think I need a new shirt…”