Driving Miss Daisy Will Drive Them Crazy

(I am a small white woman. My boyfriend and best friend are both very large black men. As soon as we walk into this shop, the only employee, an older white woman, starts giving us the stink-eye and follows me around until she gets me alone.)

Employee: “Miss, do I need to call the police?”

Me: “Ma’am, did we do something wrong?”

Employee: “Hun, I’m not mad at you; do you need help?”

Me: “Uh, no, I’m just looking.”

Employee: “No! Hun, you don’t have to stay with them, you know. We can get you to safety. Let me call the police.”

(A light-bulb goes off.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s my boyfriend and my best friend. I’m with them by choice.”

Employee: “You don’t have to lie for them. No young lady would be with a couple of n*****s if she wasn’t their sex slave.”

(My boyfriend and friend overhear everything, since the lady isn’t trying to keep her voice down. While I’m stunned in outrage, they come up on either side of me, their heads down and their eyes averted.)

Boyfriend: “Mistress, we found a skirt you may like.”

Friend: “We think it will be very flattering on you, mistress.”

Me: *catching on* “Have you? Very well done, boys.”

Both: “Thank you, mistress.”

(I turn to the employee.)

Me: “No, that’s quite unnecessary. They’re very well trained.”

(The lady’s eyes nearly bugged out of her skull. My boyfriend and friend proceeded to follow at my heel the rest of the way around the store. It took everything I had to keep a straight face. We didn’t buy anything, either.)