Driven Over The Edge

(My mother and I are entering a parking lot with the intent to go shopping when a large blue truck turns down the wrong lane and cuts us off. Trying to be courteous, my mom hurries to park in the nearest lot to allow him through. He sits there instead.)

Driver: “F****** b**** driver.”

Mom: “Excuse me?”

Driver: “Yeah, I’m talking to you. You f****** b****es need to learn how to drive. You were going way too f****** fast down that lane and you almost hit me!”

Mom: “I most certainly did not! You cut me off.”

Driver: “The f*** I did, you b****! You cut ME off! I ought to slam the s*** out of your car, you f***.”

Me: *getting angry* “Hey, inbred, I dare you.”

Driver: *noticing me* “F*** you, you ugly w****!

(He jerks his wheel toward us like he’s about to ram us and I stand my ground.)

Me: “What was that about running our car over?”

Driver: “Yeah, you keep talking, w****. I’m about to get out and f*** you up!”

Me: “Try it.”

(He hasn’t noticed this whole time that he’s in a parking lot full of witnesses and that one of these witnesses has gone in to get the police officer who acts as lot security. He’s outside listening, silently moving up along the truck waiting for the guy to do something.)

Driver: “B****! Keep talking, you fat f*** skank b****. Need to f****** learn the right of way.”

Me: “Buddy, from what I see, you’re just running your lip and making a moron out of yourself. Instead of turning into a larger humiliation, maybe you should drive on and shut up.”

Driver: “F*** YOU!”

(The driver again jerks his wheel and almost slams into the car parked near us.)

Driver: “I’m going to f*** your face up, you c***!”

(He climbs out of his truck and BAM! He’s instantly against the side of his truck with his arms behind his back, because the officer grabs hold of him once he’s stepped down.)

Cop: “That’s assault, attempted assault, we’ll slap in attempted vehicular manslaughter if you open your mouth again, and on top of that driving while intoxicated. Thank you, ladies. Have a nice day!”