November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Archive for 2013

Jump to page:

A Bitter Drink With A Sweet After Taste

| Belgium | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

(Outside the coffee shop where I work, there’s a beggar who sits there just about every day. I always bring him a cup of coffee when it’s quiet. As I am not allowed to bring my own wallet behind the counter, I pay for it at the end of the day before I close the till. On this particular day, a customer I have just finished serving and has been watching me intently, follows me outside.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what the h*** are you doing?”

Me: “I’m bringing this gentleman coffee.”

Customer: “What, for free?”

Me: “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I will pay for it tonight.”

Customer: “What, so you’ll pay for my coffee too?”

Me: “No, sir. Clearly you can afford to buy your own.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I work hard, I buy the most expensive thing on your menu every day, I pay my taxes, yet I don’t get free coffee! Does your boss know you’re doing this?”

Me: “Yes, sir. He approves.”

Customer: “F*** you. No he doesn’t. He doesn’t want bums walking around with [Brand] cups! I’m going to report you. Who’s your boss?”

(I point to the Catholic church across the street.)

Me: “That guy. If you want to file a complaint, you’ll have to wait. He’s usually only in on Sundays.”

(Amazingly, that was the end of that.)

Doing A Disservice To Service With A Smile

| UK | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers

(I work in a call center that directs calls to local benefits offices. It’s a dull job, but I try to keep positive when I greet people on the phone.)

Me: “Good morning, [Job Center] national switchboard, [Name] speaking; how can I help?”

Caller: “You sound very happy.”

Me: “Well, yes, it’s a nice day today! How can I help?”

Caller: “No one at [Job Center] is happy. You can’t be at [Job Center]! You must be a scam!”

(The caller hangs up.)

Me: “…what just happened?”

Totally Trashed The Place

, | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I am busy cleaning the dining area. I have just removed a full trash bin from its holder, leaving the door to said holder wide open. This is to signal that there is no trash can there, so customers should try another one. As I start carrying the bin to the back, I hear the sound of a tray, disposable plates, and various sauces hitting the floor. I turn around to see a customer has tossed their trash into the empty space where the bin used to be, making a mess on the floor. The customer immediately looks at me like a kid that was caught stealing cookies.)

Customer: “The nerve of some people, making such messes like this! Shame on whoever did this!”

(The customer quickly leaves. Another customer who has seen the exchange starts laughing.)

Other Customer: “Kinda makes you lose your faith in humanity, doesn’t it?”

Me: *sighs* “Welcome to customer service, where everything is your fault and the reason doesn’t matter.”

My Time Is Worth More



Requires An Ounce Of Common Sense

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(We offer burgers as 1/3 pound patties or 1/2 pound patties. There’s only a $1 difference between the prices.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between the 1/3 and 1/2 pound burger?”

Me: “There are 16 ounces to a pound. So, 1/2 a pound is 8 ounces, 1/3 is just over five ounces.”

Customer: “Umm…”

Me: “The recommended portion of protein for a meal is 4 ounces. So, a 1/3 pound would be right around the recommended portion; 1/2 a pound would be twice that.”

Customer: “Umm…”

Me: “Are you just a little hungry, or very hungry?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, let’s go with the 1/2 pound burger. It’s only a dollar more. If you don’t eat it all, I can box it for you and you can take it home.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to take it home. So, what’s the difference again?”

(I finally have to make completely inaccurate round shapes with my hands to convey the size.)

Customer: “I want the little one.”

(End of the meal comes…)

Customer: “I’m still hungry. Did I order the little burger, or the big burger?”

Me: “The 1/3 pound; the little one.”

Customer: “Ugh, why didn’t you tell me to order the big one?”