(During a visit with my sister, I decide to play with my three-year-old niece to give the adults time to talk. We pull out the animal flash-cards.)
Me: “And what’s this one, sweetie?”
Niece: “Sheep!”
Me: “Right! And what’s her baby called?”
Niece: “A lamb!”
Me: “Very good. What do we call a mommy sheep?”
Niece: “A ewe!”
Me: “You’re so smart! And what do we call a daddy sheep?”
(My niece pauses, stumped. Then it comes to her, and she beams.)
Niece: “Useful!”
(I’m seven, and my sister is three.)
Me: “Hey [Sister]? Want to hear a big secret?”
Sister: *wide eyed* “What?”
Me: “You’re really adopted. Your real parents died in a car crash, and Mommy and Daddy adopted you. You’re not really my sister.”
Sister: “MOOOOOOOOOOOMMY!”
(I didn’t get punished, but to this day my sister has never let me down for the story. For the record, I really was lying!)
(As a result of a technical problem with my internet installation and astonishingly poor customer service following that, I have been trying to get an answer out of this company for three weeks. On twelve separate occasions they have promised me a call back and then ‘forgotten.’ I have called them four hours earlier. I was promised a callback within three hours, which I have not yet received. I have phoned them again.)
Company Rep: “[Name] speaking. How can I help?”
Me: “Hi. I rang four hours ago and was promised a call back within three hours from a manager and I haven’t heard anything. Please, could you find out what is happening?”
(I provide the account info.)
Company Rep: “I’m sorry you didn’t get a call back. I can see the request on our system but nothing since, and we close in an hour.”
Me: “Yes, I know. That’s why I rang up four hours ago for a three hour call back. This is the thirteenth time this has happened, and I’m getting annoyed. Please get a manager on the phone.”
Company Rep: “I’ll just see if he’s free. Please hold.”
(Five minutes on hold ensues.)
Company Rep: “I’m sorry. The manager is busy for the rest of the shift and won’t be able to call you tonight.”
Me: “Okay. Could someone ring me in the morning then, please?”
Company Rep: “I’m sorry. We can’t do that.”
Me: “Er… what?”
Company Rep: “You have to call up yourself on the day.”
Me: “But I’m calling now because I haven’t had the callback I was promised. I shouldn’t have to keep using my time to chase up requests I’ve already made. Can you please just leave a message for the duty manager to ring me tomorrow?”
Company Rep: “I can’t do a callback request for tomorrow. We’re not allowed to leave customer information on desks overnight.”
Me: “I understand data security. I work with customer data. Send them a secure email.”
Company Rep: “We don’t have email.”
Me: *incredulous* “Really? So when I spoke to [Name] before and he read out what he was writing in the EMAIL and then told me when he hit the SEND button, he was lying, was he?”
Company Rep: “Well, er…, what he meant was that he was typing it up and then printed it to leave on the manager’s desk.”
Me: “And when I spoke to [Name] before that and he actually emailed me from his work account with an update, that was my imagination, was it?”
Company Rep: “Well, err… I mean…”
Me: “And do you actually expect me to believe that an international provider of telecommunications, including internet and email hosting services, doesn’t have its own email system and resorts to leaving notes on desks?”
Company Rep: “I’ll… pass your message on now. Thanks for calling. Bye!”
(The Company Rep hangs up. Unsurprisingly I continued not getting the callbacks I was promised. I ended up writing to the chief executive of the company. He was very interested to hear they supposedly didn’t have email.)
Bizarre Behavior Themed Giveaway Roundup! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!
PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(I am shopping at a place that sells makeup and beauty creams. Everything is great until I turn to leave. A yelling salesman approaches me and gets into my personal space.)
Salesman: “MISS! WHY DON’T YOU BUY SOME MORE THINGS! YOUR FACE LOOKS TERRIBLE!”
Me: “Gee, thanks. And, no, thanks. I’ve already bought some things. I think I’ll go try them. If they work, I’ll buy some more later.”
Salesman: “NOOO! YOU CANNOT! YOU HAAAAVE TO BUY NOW! NOW! BUY NOW!”
Me: “No!”
(The salesman is so extreme I have to run out the door. The salesman is yelling after me.)
Salesman: “LOOK! ALL THOSE LINES AND SAGGING! BUY NOW! NOW! NOWWWWW!”
(He continued screaming, despite people staring at him like he had lost his mind. I refuse to return!)
