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    Archive for 2013

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    A Wee Bit Foreign, Part 2

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Language & Words

    (I am Scottish, and working the registers.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Pardon?”

    Me: “Uh, was just asking how you were going today.”

    Customer: “Wow, that’s a strong accent you have there. Are you working whilst backpacking or something?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I have lived here for the last 10 years now. Moved over here with my parents.”

    (I continue scanning and packing the customer’s items, while she just stares at me blankly.)

    Customer: “So, if you’ve been here so long, how come you still can’t talk properly?”

    Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s alright. Not your fault you’re a bit slow.”

    (After finishing the transaction in stunned silence, she thanks me and leaves with her items. I look over at my supervisor who heard the exchange.)

    Supervisor: “You always get the interesting ones, don’t you?”

    Related:
    A Wee Bit Foreign

    Paging Leonidas To The Front

    Paging Leonidas To The Front - NotAlwaysRight.com

    Trying To Take You For A Ride

    | USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (Our carousel has a height requirement: 45 inches and smaller require an adult with them. We allow 15 year olds and up to accompany a small child. A girl is coming into line with her little sister, who is not tall enough to ride alone. I don’t believe the older sister is 15.)

    Me: “How old are you?”

    Older Sister: “I’m 11.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. You have to be at least 15 to bring a child on. Is Mom or Dad with you?”

    (The girls walk away, and come back with their mom.)

    Mom: “You won’t let the big one go with her? She’s fifteen.”

    Me: “Well, she just told me she was 11.”

    Mom: *shuts up*

    Directionless Call, Part 3

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    Me: “Hi there, [Company Name], [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need some information about my GPS; can you transfer me?”

    Me: “Well what kind of information are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Oh, can you help me? It’s a little embarrassing.”

    Me: “That’s okay; I’ll do my best.”

    Customer: “Okay, you know when you turn it on and it loads up and there’s a map?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s this little arrow that’s pointing, and I don’t know where it’s pointing to. It’s not pointing north; it’s just all over the place.”

    Me: “Is it pointing the direction you’re facing?”

    Customer: “What? No. I mean it’s just pointing. I’ve looked up tutorials online and everything. No one seems to have this issue.”

    Me: “Is it pointing off the edge of the screen? Have you entered a destination?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, does the arrow spin when you turn around?”

    Customer: “Yes! I don’t understand!”

    Me: “Well then, it’s telling you what direction you’re facing.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Let’s see. How can I explain this? If you were at a crossroad—”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I’m in my living room and it’s pointing due east!”

    Me: “Are you facing due east?”

    Customer: “Oh, why yes I am! Thank you so much! You have a nice day now.”

    Related:
    Directionless Call, Part 2
    Directionless Call

    Some Like It Not Hot

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the deli section of my store. Recently we’ve been having a problem with a customer who always shows up between 10 and 11 am, before we have our hot case fully stocked for the day.)

    Coworker #1: “Hey, it’s that guy again.”

    (I look over and see the customer diligently scanning what we have in our hot case.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, do y’all have any barbecue ribs?”

    Me: “They’re in the oven right now. It’ll be about 40 minutes before they’re ready.”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    (He walks away without another word. Five minutes later, he returns with one of the managers.)

    Manager: “Hey, you don’t have any barbecue ribs?”

    Me: “Uh, not yet. It’ll be about 35 minutes.”

    Manager: “Why not?!”

    Me: “The ribs just weren’t in our first load in the oven.”

    (The manager looks at me like I am a diseased rat and immediately starts apologizing to the bad customer.)

    Manager: *to the customer* “I’m terribly sorry about the inconvenience, sir. There will be no charge for your meal.”

    (The manager turns back to me with an evil eye.)

    Manager: *to me* “Give him whatever he wants. Don’t print a price tag.”

    (I end up having to give the customer a $6.99 full meal at no charge. The manager stands there and watches to make sure I don’t charge the customer anything. Three days later, the same customer shows up again, at the same time of day.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do y’all have any buffalo wings?”

    Coworker #2: “We’ve got some wings in the fryer right now. They’ll be ready in about 10 minutes, and we could make buffalo then.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (Once again, he walks away and comes back with the same manager from before.)

    Manager: “Do one of you want to tell me why you don’t have any buffalo wings?!”

    Coworker #2: “We just haven’t got around to making that kind yet. We do have seven other kinds already made.”

    Manager: “But no buffalo.”

    Coworker #2: “Er… no.”

    Manager: *muttering* “F****** useless…” *out loud* “Don’t charge this customer for whatever he asks for. Get him his order. NOW.”

    (Once again, the man walks away with a free meal which would normally cost $6.99. Four days later, he comes back.)

    Me: “Isn’t that the guy who keeps asking for things we don’t have and going to complain?”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah, that’s him. I wonder what he wants this time?”

    Coworker #3: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “You got some fried catfish?”

    Coworker #3: “Sorry, we don’t have any today.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (Predictably, he comes back with the same manager in tow yet again.)

    Manager: “You don’t have any fish?! Why am I always hearing these complaints?! Why can’t you get this d*** case filled up on time?!”

    Coworker #3: “Uh… [Store Manager] said we had to have it filled by 11.”

    Manager: “It’s 10:15. That’s almost 11! No charge for this—”

    (The manager is interrupted by the store manager clapping him on the shoulder.)

    Store Manager: “Excuse me, [Manager], but do you want to explain why I keep seeing you’ve signed off on no-charge purchases on the deli production sheets?”

    Manager: “Uh… well… they never have what the customers want!”

    Store Manager: “They never have what this customer conveniently wants.”

    (The store manager then turns to the customer, and points at him.)

    Store Manager: *to the customer* “Get out.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Store Manager: “Get out of my store. You are banned from shopping here.”

    Customer: “Ain’t my fault these b****es don’t got what I want!”

    Store Manager: “Yes it is. I’ve seen you on our security cameras, always looking for things they don’t have in the case. You always find an excuse to complain and ask for free food. Well, you’re not getting any more free food. Get out.”

    (The customer gives the store manager a nasty look, but leaves without saying anything. The store manager then turns to the other manager.)

    Store Manager: “And I want to see you in my office.”

    (The other manager got suspended for a week without pay!)

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