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    The Replacement Has Big Shoes To Fill

    | USA | Crazy Requests

    (There used to be a shoe repairman in our store, but he retired over two years ago. People still come in looking for him, but usually understand that he is 90 years old, and didn’t want to continue working.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where’s the shoe repair guy?”

    Me: “Oh, he retired.”

    Customer: “What? Why?”

    Me: “He was elderly and wanted to spend more time with his family.”

    Customer: “So, nobody took over? That’s stupid!”

    Me: “Well, it was his business. He just rented the space in our store.”

    Customer: “Well, this is very inconvenient for me. I need these shoes fixed. Where is there another cobbler?”

    Me: “I think there’s one in the town center.”

    Customer: “Oh, well that’s way too far to drive!”

    Me: “It’s five minutes away.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! This is ridiculous! I need to get my shoes fixed. You guys should have kept the shoe repairman on.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we couldn’t exactly hold him prisoner here.”

    Customer: “Well, you could have tried!”

    All Buttoned Up And Going Nowhere

    | Madison, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Technology

    (A guest calls from the elevator to the front desk.)

    Guest: “Um yeah. Your elevator is not working.”

    Me: “What seems to be wrong, ma’am?”

    Guest: “It won’t move anywhere.”

    Me: “Okay, I will be right down to check it out.”

    (I go to the elevator. The guest is on the first floor, hitting the ’1′ button.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you are on the first floor hitting the first floor button.”

    (She was quite embarrassed. I can’t say I blame her!)

    Just Till-ing It Like It Is

    | East Sussex, England, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (A customer comes in at about 2 pm; he is the only customer in the store.)

    Customer: “Why is there only one person by your tills?”

    Coworker: “Because it’s a quiet period. My manager and my other colleague are currently restocking the shelves.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Somebody should be on every till!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, with respect, you’re the only person in the store. Why would we need all three tills to be manned?”

    Customer: “I should have the right to choose who I get served by.”

    Coworker: “Well, I could buzz for my colleagues if you like?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to have to wait. I’m busy. I’m in a rush.”

    Coworker: “Well, either I can buzz for my colleagues or I can serve you and you can get on with your day. Which would you prefer?”

    Customer: “NEITHER! I WANT TO CHOOSE MY TILL!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, those are my only two options. My colleagues aren’t at the till. If you want a choice, I can buzz them and they’ll get here within twenty seconds, or I can serve you and you can be out of the store and getting on with your day within twenty seconds. The choice is utterly yours.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe your service is so poor. You know what? I don’t even want this!”

    (The customer puts down a bottled drink.)

    Customer: “I will just have a drink when I get home.”

    (By now, my manager and I have heard the commotion. We come over after the customer leaves.)

    Manager: “What just happened?”

    Coworker: “I… I’m not sure.”

    Non-Flight Risk

    Putting Your Son Into A Sweet Disposition

    | USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a little sweet shop. We have a promotion going on where you can get two free sweets if you can spin a wheel and get it to land on the prize. The front door opens and a young boy and his mother walk in.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [store name].”

    Mother: “Hi, I was told I could get some free candy here.”

    Me: “That’s right; you can get two free sweets of your choice if you can get a win on the prize wheel!”

    Boy: “I wanna try!”

    (The mother grumbles angrily. The boy walks over to the counter and takes hold of the wheel.)

    Me: “Okay, good luck, you have one chance, okay?”

    Boy: “Got it!”

    (The boy spins, but the spinner doesn’t land on ‘Winner’. The boy shrugs and walks back to his mother.)

    Mother: “Where’s his candy?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Mother: “You said, he’d get free candy.”

    Me: “Yes, if he was able to spin to win. Maybe next time, okay little guy?”

    Boy: “Always next time, Mom.”

    Mother: “Look at him! He’s distraught! You made my son unhappy! Get your manager.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (The boy is dragged by his ear to the corner of the shop and is whispered to.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

    Mother: “She made my son cry! He won the free candy, fair and square!”

    Boy: “No I—”

    (The mother gives him a glare.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry for your troubles; I’ll give you the candy you won.”

    (He gives the boy two pieces of our signature candy, and they leave the store.)

    Manager: “Sorry about that; it’s not worth a fight. Not much lost really.”

    Me: “But I—”

    (I am cut off by the door slowly creaking open. The boy is back, now alone.)

    Boy: “Here’s your candy back; sorry about my Mom. I know I didn’t win.”

    Me: “Thank you so much, but you can—”

    (He leaves before I can finish. I will always remember the little boy’s honesty, even though none of us ever saw him in the shop again.)

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