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    Baby Talk To Make You Balk

    | Newport News, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (My neighbors have gone out for the day, and have asked me to babysit their youngest daughter, who is about two years old. I bring her to the mall so we can do a little shopping. I have her strapped into her stroller, and am pushing her around through the clothes racks. As I pause to look at some tops, a rather large customer walks past a rack, and knocks off some of the merchandise. She bends over to pick up the clothes.)

    Two-Year-Old: “D***! That lady got a fat a**!”

    (The customer rounds on me with a death glare.)

    Customer: “What did you just say?!”

    (I point at the two-year-old girl, completely mortified.)

    Me: “I am so sorry! That was her!”

    (The customer opens her mouth to berate me when the two-year-old girl pipes up again.)

    Two-Year-Old: “D***! What a fat b****!”

    (The customer stares at the little girl in shock before glaring at me again.)

    Me: “She’s not mine! I’m just babysitting!” *to the child* “You shouldn’t say things like that! It’s very mean, and rude! Who taught you that anyways?!”

    Two-Year-Old: “Big sister! Now buy me candy, b****!”

    (I quickly wheeled her away under the glaring gaze of the customer. I didn’t babysit her ever again!)

    They’re Having A Ball(s)

    | Denver, CO, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I am sitting next to my mom while she makes a call on speakerphone to her ISP. I witness the conversation.)

    Representative: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you?”

    Mom: “Hi, I need some testicle support.”

    Representative: “… I’m sorry?”

    Mom: “Testicle support! It doesn’t work right.”

    Representative: “Umm… do you mean ‘technical support?’”

    Mom: “Yes! What did I say?”

    Representative: “Uh, not anything I can repeat.”

    (I am struggling to hold my laughter in as I whisper the word to my mom.)

    Mom: “Oh! Oh my… I can’t believe I said that! You don’t think I’m a weirdo, do you?”

    Representative: *chuckling* “Don’t worry about it. That was the funniest thing I’ve heard all night.”

    (From that point on, they make a point of saying the word ‘technical’ whenever possible during the conversation, and all three of us giggle like gossiping schoolgirls when anyone says it. My mom gets to the end of the call…)

    Representative: “Thanks for calling [Company] TECHNICAL support.”

    Mom: “Thanks for being such a great TESTICLE service rep. The next time I have a TESTICLE issue, I would be thrilled to talk to you again. For now, I’ll leave you to take care of another customer’s TESTICLE issues. Thanks again!”

    (As we hang up, the last thing we hear is raucous laughter. We apparently made the night of more than one rep that little bit better. Thanks, Mom, for being such a loony!)

    Lies, Fired, Sue

    stupid-customer-cartoon3

    5 Horrifyingly Hilarious Halloween Customer Stories

    | Not Always Right | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Weekly Roundup: 5 Horrifyingly Hilarious Halloween Customer Stories! In this week’s roundup, we share five Halloween-themed customer stories!

    1. Thank You For Shopping At ApocalypseMart (16,411 thumbs up)
    2. Helping The Needy (5,156 thumbs up)
    3. He Is Twice The Man (3,165 thumbs up)
    4. More Leftovers, Less Landfill (3,145 thumbs up)
    5. We Ain’t Got Jack (2,959 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Skating Past Bigotry Into Racism

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a skateboard shop. I’m female and have been working on skateboards from the age of 15. A teenage black male customer approaches my coworker and me. My coworker is also black.)

    Customer: “Yo, can you get out here and put fresh tape on my board?”

    Me: “Oh I’ll be happy to do that for you! Did you want a design or logo cut out? I just did this one; it looks pretty good.”

    Customer: “I ain’t having a girl touch my board. I want somebody who knows what they’re actually doing, not a woman!”

    Coworker: “Actually, she’s probably the quickest and neatest taper here, and watch your attitude.”

    Customer: “Nah man, I’m not having some b**** wreck my board!”

    Coworker: “Right, that’s it. Get out of my shop.”

    Customer: “What?! No way. You can’t kick me out because I’m black.”

    Coworker: *gestures to self* “It’s hardly because you’re black, is it? It’s because you’re insulting staff. Get out.”

    Customer: “That’s discrimination! I’m going to sue you!”

    (The customer leaves, ranting all the way out the door about how girls shouldn’t work in skate shops and he’s going to sue us for discriminating on race.)

    Coworker: “Yeah, good luck with that, mate.”

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