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    Beer After Work…

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    Getting All Hancocked Over A Benjamin

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am ringing up a customer. After I tell him his total, he decides to continue shopping. He tries to hand me a $100 bill, but I tell him to hold on to it until he’s done shopping. I watch him shove it in his pocket. A few minutes later, he comes back with a second item.)

    Me: “Your total today is $32.44.”

    (The customer grabs the bag and begins to walk away.)

    Me: “Sir, you still need to pay for your purchase. It’s $32.44.”

    Customer: “I already gave you $100!”

    Me: “No, I asked you to hold on to your money until you finished shopping.”

    Customer: “Nu-uh, you put it in the register.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s in your right pants pocket.”

    (He reaches in, pulls out the bill, and hastily shoves it back in his pocket.)

    Customer: “I saw you take it! Hey everyone! This b**** stole my money!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that your money is in your pocket.”

    Customer: “Nah, f*** you, b****! Give me back my money!”

    (He then comes over the counter at me as I’m dialing security. I give him my ‘don’t mess with me’ glare and he backs off, but moves on to threatening the other customers, saying they were all on it and that one of them has his money. Security finally arrives and escorts him out, banning him from the premises.)

    Related:
    Getting All Hancocked Over A Lincoln

    Given Short Shrift At The Thrift

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I am shopping at a thrift store. A customer barges up to me with a dress in her hand and waves it in my face.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “No… sorry.”

    Customer: “You LOOK like you work here. I can’t find this dress in a small.”

    Me: “…yeah, that’s the problem with these thrift stores. Not always the right sizes.”

    Customer: “Where can I find it in a small?”

    Me: “I don’t know. You may have to pick another dress.”

    (The customer stares at me a minute, suspiciously, as I’m going through a rack.)

    Customer: “Where are the size-eight shoes?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Normally they’re over there, but they just rearranged everything so I don’t know. You’ll have to ask someone who works here.”

    Customer: “I need shoes to match this dress in a size eight!”

    Me: “Good luck!”

    Customer: “You are NO HELP AT ALL!”

    (The customer flings the dress at me and storms over to the shoes. She starts scattering them all over, and demanding to the room in general that she needs a size eight. One of the poor employees ended up getting stuck with pampering her the entire time I was there.)

    A Birthday Surprise

    | Provo, UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am serving a young couple, and it is the woman’s 29th birthday. One of our hosts, a large Polynesian man, loves to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to people by himself.)

    Me: “Would you like a group of us to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you, or do you want that guy to sing to you?”

    Customer: “It’s okay; I’d rather not have anyone sing to me. By the way, has that table paid for their meal yet?”

    (The customer points at a table nearby, where a couple with their two young children are seated.)

    Me: “No, they haven’t.”

    Customer: “Okay, give this to them. Don’t tell them it’s from me.”

    (The customer hands me a $100 bill.)

    Me: “Wow, really? That’s really generous of you, and on your birthday!”

    Woman: “Yeah, I like to do something nice for someone on my birthday as a way to give back to the universe for all the crap I’ve done.”

    (We ended up giving her and her boyfriend free dessert. Her incredible generosity inspired me to try to do something like that on my birthday from now on. Sometimes humans are okay!)

    Go To A Bar

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