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    Archive for 2013

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    black-friday-memes

    Too Rich For Jesus’ Blood

    | Gulf Shores, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (It is late November, after Thanksgiving. I am working at the register closest to the Christmas stuff. Nearly everyone comes through with something for the holidays. A customer comes to my counter with a can of bug spray.)

    Me: “Hello. Is this everything?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I couldn’t find any d*** patio furniture because you moved all the f****** Christmas crap in! It’s getting earlier every year!”

    (I decide not to point out that it’s almost December and instead try a different approach.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I think they try to do that so the regular, working person can have a good Christmas. I mean, it costs a lot of money to buy the tree, the lights, and presents all at once. But if we get the stuff out early, people can buy a bit each week and have a pretty good spread by Christmas.”

    Customer: “Ugh! If they can’t afford everything at once, they just shouldn’t celebrate! Poor people don’t deserve Christmas!”

    (I am stunned as the customer grabs her item off the counter and stomps away. The next customer behind her dumps an entire pile of wrapping paper and bows on the counter.)

    Next Customer: *loudly* “Yeah! Didn’t you know Jesus, the Savior of mankind, was born in a five-star hotel?”

    Trying To Put Her Stamp On Christmas

    | England, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (It is close to Christmas. We sell postage stamps, but as we are not a post office we only sell them in books.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’ve got these Christmas cards to post. I need fourteen stamps, please.”

    Me: “That’s fine. I have books of 6 first-class or 12 second-class.”

    Customer: “14 second-class then, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We only sell second-class stamps in books of 12.”

    Customer: “Yes. I need 14 stamps, please.”

    Me: “Okay. So, 2 books of second-class stamps will be [amount].”

    Customer: “What! That seems a lot of money for 14 stamps.”

    Me: “No, madam. That is for 24 stamps. We only sell them in books of 12.”

    Customer: “But I only want 14!”

    Me: “We are not a post-office, madam. We only sell stamps in books of 6 first-class or 12 second-class. In order to get 14 stamps you will have to buy two books. Will you not be able to use the rest at a later date? If it’s a real problem there is a post office just around the corner which will be open in the morning.”

    Customer: “No. I need 14 stamps”.

    (This goes on for some time. She eventually twigs, and buys one book of 12 stamps. We saw her talking to a colleague of ours outside. It turns out she was setting off to walk three miles to drop off the other two cards so she didn’t need the postage! This was about three weeks before Christmas. Goodness knows why she couldn’t wait for the post office to open.)

    Christmas Consideration

    | Richmond, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (It is the Saturday after Thanksgiving. There is only one register open as the day is just beginning. My shopping cart is filled with three dozen books and other sundry items.)

    Cashier: “Good morning. Can I interest you in signing up today for a [Store] card? You’ll save on future purchases here at [Store].”

    Me: “Only if you open a second register to help the lady behind me.”

    (We both turn at look at a 40-ish female carrying at least a dozen different items. She can barely see or carry her load.)

    Cashier: “Madam, we can help you at lane two. We’ve just opened it.”

    Me: *to the cashier* “Thank you. My name is…”

    (Registering for the card and checking out took just a few minutes. Stay classy out there, fellow Christmas shoppers!)

    The High Point Of Black Friday

    | ME, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (I work in a chocolatier. We’ve opened at midnight for our Black Friday sale. My job is to greet shoppers as they come in and offer everyone a sample. By 4 am I’m exhausted from the rush. A customer comes in. He is red faced, and wearing a shirt several sizes too small.)

    Customer: “Hey. You know what? I’ve always thought you guys should sell chocolate belly buttons!”

    Me: “Um… I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You should sell chocolate belly buttons!”

    (The customer takes a sample, and then leaves. I turn to my manager.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Manager: “Oh, he was definitely high. Welcome to Black Friday sales!”


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