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    No Wonder She Ran Away

    , | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I work in one of the gift shops at a popular UK theme park. One day I notice a little girl, probably no older than eight, wandering around our shop unattended quite late in the day.)

    Me: “Hi sweetie, are you alright there?”

    (The girl just bursts into tears.)

    Girl: “I’ve lost my mummy and daddy!”

    Me: “Okay, okay, well don’t worry; I’ll help you look for them.”

    (I take her over to a stool we’ve been using to stock up and get her sat down. I let my coworker know to inform security so they can issue a park announcement and come take over the situation.)

    Me: “Now, here’s some tissues, and some water. Do you like sweets?”

    Girl: “Yeah. Coke bottles are my favourite.”

    Me: “Me too! Tell you what: you clear up those tears, and we’ll fill up a pick’n'mix bucket for you, okay?”

    (She smiles a bit and nods, and starts blowing her nose. About 10 minutes pass, and the girl has calmed a little bit. I’m told that security are all of a few minutes away, when a couple come into the shop.)

    Mother: “[Girl's Name], there you are! How DARE you run away from us!”

    Girl: “I got stuck behind some people—”

    Father: “Don’t you interrupt your mother, you little cow!”

    Me: “Ah excuse me? I take it you’re this little girl’s parents?”

    (They both look at me with a mix of disgust and shock.)

    Mother: “What’s it to you?”

    Me: “Well, I’m not a parent, but if I’d lost my daughter I wouldn’t be insulting and yelling at her, especially since she’s literally just stopped crying.”

    Father: “You rude little s***! Who do you think you are?!”

    (The father gets a tap on the shoulder by the security team that had just arrived.)

    Security Guy #1: “Well at a guess, I’d say this is the staff member who found your daughter and has been looking after her.”

    (The girl holds up her bucket of cola bottles, squashed down as far as we can get them.)

    Girl: “He let me have all of these sweets!”

    Mother: “We better not have to pay for them!”

    (I just about hold my tongue, but the security guys say what I am thinking.)

    Security Guy #2: “Are you for real? You lose your kid and you’re worried about paying for a bunch of cola bottles?!”

    Security Guy #1: “Tell you what: any complaints or questions you have we’ll sort out at the security office with all the other paper work, and let these guys get back to their jobs.”

    (Just as they leave, the girl gives me a hug and says ‘thank you.’ I don’t know what happened to her, but I hope the parents eventually saw sense as to what’s important in life.)

    Maybe He Is Under The Weather

    | USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I am volunteering at the info booth for a festival. A festival attendee approaches the table.)

    Me: “Hi! Can I help you?”

    Attendee: “Do you see those vapor trails?”

    (The attendee points to the sky, where a few contrails are visible.)

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Attendee: “That’s how the government controls the weather.”

    (The attendee walks away like nothing happened.)

    Me: “…oooookay then.”

    Hopefully It’s Smooth Sailing From Here On

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work at a canoe centre. We occasionally get people complaining about things they don’t like; we have a feedback form for this. A couple walks in, looking angry.)

    Me: “Hi! Did you enjoy your day?”

    Customer #1: “No, it was horrible!”

    Me: “Oh, okay, well if you want to fill in the feedback form about why, that’d be helpful. Can I ask why?”

    Customer #2: “Well, we got wet of course!”

    Me: “But you went canoeing on a river?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, but you should have told us we could get wet!”

    Death Goes Shopping

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Top

    (I am working behind the register on my first ever day of employment. It is also a particularly busy day. I am finalizing the purchase and handing the customer her bag…)

    Me: “Thank you for shopping at [Store]; have a nice day!”

    (The customer snaps her head up, gasping, while simultaneously dropping her bag of goods to the floor.)

    Customer:What did you say?”

    Me: “I thanked you for shopping here, and told you to have a good d—”

    Customer: “I know what you said! You told me to have a good DEATH!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that I did not say anything of the kind.”

    Customer: “You DID! You DID and it’s YOU that should be dying, YOU B****! I can assure you that I’ll be taking this further!”

    (There is an unimpressed looking customer next in line.)

    Next Customer: “Lady, pick up your s*** and get out of here, or I’ll kill you myself.”

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