(Every evening after work, I get the same bus home. I usually see the same young lady at the stop, and will share a smile and a nod as a greeting. As I’m fairly introverted, I rarely talk to people on the way home; I just listen to music on my wireless earbuds, which are hidden by my hair. One day, instead of the usual greeting, the young lady catches my eye and starts signing something at me. I reach up to pull out my earbuds.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t read sign langu—”

Young Lady: *turning bright red* “Oh, my god! You’re not deaf! I’m such an idiot! I thought you were deaf because you never respond when I talk to you. So, I tried to learn some sign language so I could talk to you.”

(The young lady tails off to a mumble, getting redder and redder. I burst out laughing.)

Me: “Wow. I never thought I was worth learning sign language to talk to!”

Young Lady: “I’m so sorry. How can I possibly make it up to you?”

Me: “Well, you can accompany me for a drink for starters. I’d love to learn more about a girl who learned sign language for a boy who can’t read it!”

(After that encounter it wasn’t long before we started dating. Now she turns bright red as soon as anyone asks how we met!)

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(I am stocking shelves in the general merchandise side of a large store. A customer comes up to me to ask a question.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where this [Brand] of laundry soap is?”

Me: “Sure. It can be tricky since the clothespins and laundry baskets are over here. It’s actually on the grocery side of the store in aisle 13.”

(The customer suddenly looks very dejected and turns to go that way.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’d be happy to show you if you would like.”

Customer: “Oh! That would be wonderful!”

(The customer actually hugs me and goes off towards the grocery side. I follow her, and show her exactly where to find her exact product.)

Me: “Is there anything else you would like me to help you find?”

(The customer pulls out a list and very sheepishly starts listing off multiple products.)

Customer: “I’ve just moved here and never been in this store before. I can’t seem to find anything. This place is so big.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand. I’ll help you find it or I’ll find someone who can.”

(I help her for the next hour and a half. I miss my lunch break. At the end we’re talking about how she can organize her list so that she can start at one end of the store and go to the other, without having to backtrack, for her next shopping trip. My manager notices that I’m talking to her. He thinks she’s a friend, or something, and starts yelling at me.)

Manager: “You’ve missed your lunch break! Now I’m going to have to overlap you with another worker! It will mess up everyone’s schedule!”

Customer: “Excuse me, young man. This woman just spent more than an hour helping me to find all my purchases for today. When I was done shopping I was going to ask to speak with her manager about her wonderful conduct, but I think I’ll have to also talk to the store owner about your improper conduct. How dare you berate an employee in front of a perfect stranger!”

(The customer hugs me. She thanks me again before going off to check out. The customer informed our store owner that her husband is a wealthy lawyer and their daughter is expecting triplets. They were also remodeling their new house; she would be spending a lot of money on baby furniture and supplies for their house. She said if the owner allowed managers to yell at employees like that for no reason she would take her business elsewhere. I found out the next day my department manager was fired and I received a raise. She and her daughter came in the next month. They bought $8,000 worth of baby clothes, car seats, strollers, cribs, toys, diapers, and everything else you could want for a baby (or three!). She called and made sure I worked that day so that I could help her pick out the stuff she wanted. I got a $100 tip.)

(A customer calls up asking to order reprints over the phone. She is very pleasant and the order is completed smoothly. She indicates that she would like to pay over the phone, which is fine. I go to the front phone and register to take her information and ring her out.)

Me: “Okay. Your total comes to [total] with tax.”

Caller: “I have four $20 bills.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. How would you like to pay?”

Caller: “With cash. That way I can’t overspend. I have four $20 bills to use.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot take cash over the phone. We take all major credit cards, or you can pay by cash when you pick up your order.”

Caller: “No. This is ridiculous. You’ll be busy when I pick it up. I just want to pay now and get it out of the way.”

Me: “I understand. We accept all major credit cards. I am ready whenever you are to complete the sale.”

Caller: “I’m not giving you that! You’re just trying to steal my credit card! I want to pay cash!”

Me: “If you would like to pay cash, you can come in and pay when you pick up the order. I cannot take cash over the phone.”

Caller: “But I have cash! My husband can tell you I have it right here!”

Me: “I believe you, but there is no way for me to accept your cash unless you come to the store in person. You are welcome to do that. Pre-paying is an option, not a requirement.”

Caller: “I want to pay now!”

(This continues for several minutes, until she finally decides to speak to my manager. Ultimately, she cancels the order, demanding that our company becomes more willing to accommodate multiple methods of payment in the future!)

(My boyfriend has problems admitting his true feelings. I am totally taken aback when he initiates the following exchange.)

Boyfriend: “If me getting up before noon doesn’t say, ‘I love you,’ nothing ever will.”

Me: *nonplussed* “Are you actually saying that, or are you being facetious?”

Boyfriend: “It was supposed to be funny.”

Me: “Okay. I was going to start looking for pods.”

Boyfriend: “But I really will rise before noon for you. So it’s factual.”

Me: “For what it’s worth, I’d get up before 9 am for you.”

Boyfriend: “Well, there we have it. You love me exactly three hours more than I love you.”

(My girlfriend has just texted me a long list of things she wants me to pick up.)

Girlfriend: “Please get me those things and I will give you a million kisses.”

Me: “If you give me a million kisses, just pecks, you know that would take you like 11.5 days. Right?

Girlfriend: “So?”

Me: “Just saying. That’s a lot of time. Are you prepared for 11.5 days of kissing? I need an answer.”

Girlfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “Yay! I think I got a ‘Not Always Romantic!'”