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    Archive for 2013

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    Putting Your Son Into A Sweet Disposition

    Taking Account Of Your Actions

    | Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (I work in telephone banking for a major bank. In our system, we can see all of the customer’s call history, from wait time, last 20 calls, who the customer spoke to, and any notes left by previous bankers.)

    Me: “Hello and welcome to [Bank]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, thank f*** for that! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting? 35 f****** minutes! And all I wanted to do was check my balance on my credit card!”

    (I can clearly see the customer has waited a total of 25 seconds from the start of his call to speak to me.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry about any wait there, but you have come through fully identified, so thank you for putting in your customer number and access code. Now before I can—”

    Customer: “Now you just f****** wait a minute. I’ve been waiting 35 minutes to speak to you, and you aren’t even going to apologize for making me wait? What kind of f****** s*** customer service are you lot running there? Huh?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I did apologize for the wait that you experienced and I—”

    Customer: “Get your f****** manager now! I don’t have to deal with this! I demand compensation for my time and phone charges! Get your manager!”

    (I put the customer on hold and signal for a manager to take an escalated call. While I wait for my manager to arrive, I look at the customer history. I see that the customer has been with us for five years. He seems to call twice a year, and almost always demands to speak to a manager, repeatedly demanding compensation. He has been told by our relations department that they will not compensate him further because he has been given close to $2000 in refunded interest on his credit card over the five years. There is a special note from the head of the relations department simply saying ‘if customer threatens to close accounts, process request. Do not attempt win-back.’ I recap the call so far to my manager, and advise him about the notes from the relations department as well. Total wait for the caller has now been two minutes.)

    Manager: “Hello, sir, my name is [Name] and I’m a manager. How can I help?”

    Customer: “Well, hasn’t that taken you a f****** lifetime to answer?! I’m sick of this s***! I demand that I have interest repaid to my credit card or I’ll close all my accounts!”

    Manager: “Sir, I’m not going to be able to repay the interest for you, as you’ve already had close to $2000 refunded to you over the past—”

    Customer: “Well, then close my accounts! Close them now! If you can’t fulfill a simple request like that, f*** you and [Bank]! I’ll take my business elsewhere.”

    Manager: “Sir, just so I have it clear: you are formally requesting for me to close out your accounts with [Bank] right now?”

    Customer: “That’s what I f***** said; you people just—”

    Manager: “Okay, sir, as requested all your accounts are now closed. The amount you had owing on your credit card has been automatically paid from your everyday account, leaving you a balance of $52.16, which I’ll post out to you as a check. I’m sorry you’ve chosen to leave [Bank], but I hope you have a wonderful day.”

    Customer: “YOU CLOSED MY ACCOUNTS?! BUT I—”

    Manager: “You requested for them to be close on a recorded phone call where you were asked to confirm your wishes. You aren’t scamming anymore FREE money from [Bank].”

    Customer: “I…”

    Manager: “Hello?”

    Customer: *defeated* “I… err… I’ll… I’ll wait for my check.” *click*

    He Is Irony Man

    | Lansing, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work third shift at a local gas station, and have just finished ringing a customer up.)

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, sir?”

    Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. That’s just a way for people I don’t know to track the things I’m buying!”

    Me: “That’s fine, sir. Your total today is [total].”

    Customer: “Alright, I’ll be putting it on my credit card.”

    Young Boys Display Monstrous Behavior

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (I work in a costume shop, and I see a six- or seven-year-old boy looking through the aisle.)

    Me: “Hey there, little guy! Are you looking for a costume?”

    Boy: “Yeah! I’m gonna be a clown, zombie, vampire, werewolf, monster!”

    (The mother of the boy comes around the corner.)

    Mother: “Sweetie, you can only be one, so just choose one.”

    Boy:” Okay, can I be a clown monster werewolf vampire?”

    Me: “But not a zombie?”

    Boy: “Oh yeah, and zombie!”

    Me: “How about we stick two of them together? You can be a werewolf zombie, or a clown monster, or a vampire clown, even.”

    Boy: “Ooh! I want to be a vampire clown. Can I be a vampire clown, please? I want lots of blood.”

    Mother: “Do you even have a vampire clown costume?”

    Me: “We have clown and vampire costumes separately. I’d say a clown outfit, some vampire teeth, and some blood should make the costume right.”

    Boy: “Do you have lots of blood?”

    (I point to the rack with small tubes of fake blood.)

    Me: “We only have these.”

    Boy: “No, I want lots of blood.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure it’ll have enough—”

    Boy: *serious face* “No. I want lots of blood. I’ll just have to take yours…”

    How About Naw!

    3sg8dk


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