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    The Internot

    | Online | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a internet retailer so all of our sales come via a website. We don’t operate any physical store locations.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need to place an order.”

    (I take the caller’s order, and get to the part where I need her personal information.)

    Me: “…and may I have your email address, please?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Well, that’s how your receipt and shipping information will be given to you.”

    Caller: “I don’t like giving it out. I don’t understand why you need it. Why can’t you just mail it to me?”

    Me: “The receipt and shipping information are emailed to you through our store’s sales system. It’s something that happens automatically. We will not sell it or abuse it in any way.”

    Caller: “Well, that’s stupid! What if I don’t have an email address? What do you do for your customers who don’t have a computer?”

    Me: “Being an internet retailer, we haven’t had much of a problem with that.”

    A Streetcar Named Cheshire

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I’m taking my cat in a carrier to the vet. I don’t have a car, so I’m taking the streetcar; it’s mostly empty except for an older woman.)

    Older Woman: “You go to vet?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s time for my girl’s checkup.”

    Older Woman: “May I see?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Older Woman: *pets my cat* “Oh, such soft fur. What dog?”

    Me: “Oh, she’s not a dog. She’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “Rare to see such soft dog. Good brushing!”

    Me: “Again, thank you, but she’s a cat.”

    Older Woman: “And well behaved! Dogs bark!”

    Cat: “Meow!”

    Older Woman: “You and dog have good day!”

    Me: *to my cat* “Sorry girl, but you’re a dog today.”

    The Mother Of All Bad Parents

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

    (My coworker, who is manning the registers, has been approached by a small girl, no more than three years old. The girl is crying and has lost her mother.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Can you please make an announcement over the PA? I’ll look after her.”

    (My coworker takes the little girl to the colouring-in table and sits with her, which leaves us one short at the registers. I jump on to cover her and continue to make PA announcements every few minutes, describing the child and asking for her parent to make themselves known to staff. Perhaps 15 or more minutes pass.)

    Coworker: “It’s been at least 15 minutes, and the girl is getting more and more frightened. I can’t distract her with colouring forever. I don’t think the mother is in the store.”

    Manager: “You’re right; it’s been too long, and not one staff member knows who the mother is. I’ve done the rounds and asked everyone. I’ll call the police.”

    (At this moment, a woman wanders over to the colouring-in table and grabs the child by the arm, completely ignoring the fact the girl is sobbing.)

    Manager: “Are you this girl’s mother?”

    Woman: “Yeah.”

    Manager: “We’ve been paging you for near 20 minutes. Have you been in the store this whole time?”

    Woman: “Yeah.”

    Manager: “Surely you heard the pages? All we asked was that you make yourself known to staff! Your daughter has been frightened half to death! We were just about to call the police! Why didn’t you come to the counter?”

    Woman: “And risk losing the service of the guy who was selling me a computer? F*** that. I ain’t risking having to wait for someone else to serve me. What if he served someone else while I was talking to you lot? It was pretty f***ing clear where my daughter was thanks to the PA system, wasn’t it? Not like I f***ing lost her or anything!”

    Thank God For Better Halves, Part 2

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | At The Checkout

    (We’re running a buy two, get one free promotion in our store, but you must have a membership to qualify. The membership is free. A customer and his wife approach the counter with only two games.)

    Me: “Sir, do you have a membership card?”

    Customer: “I don’t want no card.”

    Me: “The only reason I ask is because members can get—”

    Customer: “No, stop trying to sell me something.”

    Me: “Sure, sir, I just thought you might want a free game today with our free membership. Your total is [amount].”

    (Suddenly, the customer’s wife smacks him with her purse.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Will you shut your mouth and listen to her?!” *to me* “YES, we want a free game. Thank you!”

    Related:
    Thank God For Better Halves

    Just Bad Customers

    Sometimes-it-not


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