(An elderly customer approaches me. She wants a game about duck hunting.)

Me: “Did you want a game about duck hunting, or buck hunting?”

(She keeps saying ‘duck’ at first, but then changes her mind.)

Customer: “Bucks!”

Me: “Okay, we have this one for $9.99. Did you also want a duck hunting game?”

Customer: “Great, but what is the difference between duck hunting and buck hunting?”

Me: “Well, in one game you hunt flying animals, and in the other one you hunt deer.”

Customer: “Oh! What is the difference between ducks and bucks?”

Me: “A duck is a bird, and a buck is a male deer.”

Customer: “Oh, wow! So ducks are those flying animals that you see overhead at amusement parks, and bucks don’t fly at all?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you so much! I’ll be back during this holiday season, just for you! You were so helpful!”

(She leaves as loud and happy as ever.)

Me: “Aaaand, I’m clocking out.”

Via.

(I have just finished setting up a display of fabric softener liquid and sheets. A customer approaches me and gestures to the price sign.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but is everything on this display two for $5?”

Me: “No, ma’am. That sign is for the liquid. The fabric softener sheets are only $1.99.”

Customer: “But the sign says they are two for $5!”

Me: “That’s for these items. But the sheets are only—”

Customer: “That’s what the sign says, and that is the price I want them for.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to charge you more for these items?”

Customer: “No, I want you to give them to me for the price you have advertised them for.”

(She pauses abruptly, looking down at the phone where she had been fiddling with her calculator app. She realizes her error.)

Customer: “Oh, I am so embarrassed!”

Me: “It’s okay! Enjoy your two for $3.98 fabric softener sheets!”

(I’m a police officer in full uniform. I stop in a local store and notice a loud customer ahead of me in the line.)

Cashier: “Sir, you haven’t paid for that. If you leave the store, it’s stealing.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! You did something with my card; you took my money! I’m leaving with this stuff.”

Cashier: “No, the order was cancelled for insufficient funds. You left to get another card; the whole order needs to be rescanned.”

(I realize that the loud customer hasn’t seen me yet. I excuse myself from the line, and move behind the irate customer as he starts mouthing off to the cashier.)

Me: “Sir, you need to calm down and let the lady do her job. She’s trying to help you as fast as she can.”

Customer: “Man, f*** you. Who the f*** do you think you—”

(He turns around to look at me, and immediately goes all sheepish.)

Customer: “Sorry, officer.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought so.”

(The customer calms down, and is out of the store in five minutes. It’s a shame that some people will not act civilly unless they’re given a friendly reminder that there are consequences for acting like a turd.)