(I’m working at my teller window when a client with a bandaged hand comes up with a deposit.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [bank]. I see that you hurt your hand; were you fighting with a dragon?”

Client: “Yes, and it won.”

Me: “Was it a big dragon?”

Client: “No, it was a little one. But he didn’t play fair. He used fire!”

Me: “Oh, no! Well, better luck to you next time. Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

Client: “You too! Thanks!” *walks out the door*

(My boss, who has been standing behind me the whole time, finally speaks up.)

Boss: “That was not normal…”

(During the night shift at the 24-hour gas station, it’s against policy to have the store open from midnight to five if you’re working alone. My coworker hasn’t shown up, so I am doing some cleaning while the store is temporarily closed and locked. A customer bangs angrily on the door. After several mimes of miming ‘Sorry!’ and pointing to the ‘Closed’ sign, I open the door a crack, figuring she might be in trouble or have run out of gas.)

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Open the door!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed. I’m not allowed to be open from midnight to five.”

Customer: “You’re CLOSED?!”

Me: “Yes! Well… is it an emergency?”

Customer: “It is an emergency! I need beer!”

(A somewhat disgruntled customer comes up to me, with a service dog in her cart.)

Me: “Good afternoon! You have a very lovely dog.”

Customer: *sharply* “Don’t pet him.”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry. If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

(I start scanning her items.)

Me: “Would you like to add a protection plan to your product for only $5.99?”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? Fine, I guess.”

Me: “It is absolutely your decision, ma’am.”

(As we go through the process, I try to make small talk.)

Me: “So what is your dog’s name?”

Customer: “It’s [name]. He gets very nervous around anyone but me.”

Me: “I completely understand. I’ve got an old dog at home, and he sometimes gets anxious around people when I take him out on walks.”

(The chit-chat goes on throughout the transaction, with the woman growing considerably less and less grumpy.)

Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “You know, I’m really sorry if I seemed out of it. It’s been a very rough day, and you were so very understanding of me.”

Me: “I know what it’s like to have rough days. You take care of yourself!”

(It takes working in customer service to understand a customer!)

(I am eating dinner at a cafeteria. I see a waitress being incessantly berated by an elderly woman.)

Waitress: “May I help you to your table, ma’am?”

Customer: “Just listen to that redneck accent!”

Waitress: “I grew up in Texas, Ma’am. Many of us—”

Customer: “It’s still WHITE TRASH TALK!”

(The waitress keeps her composure, and helps the elderly woman to her table. The customer starts talking to her grown-up children at the table.)

Customer: “She is a no-class nothing! White trash! That’s all she is!”

(The waitress finally takes a deep breath, and walks up to the elderly woman’s table.)

Waitress: “You’re calling me white trash. Do you know that I own this franchise?”

(The elderly woman’s eyes narrow at her, as though trying to figure out if she is lying or not.)

Waitress: “If you’ll look at that plaque, that’s mine. It says I own this franchise. And, ma’am, you need not come back here again.”