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    Customer Time Out


    By Pearls Before Swine.

    Whine Charge

    Eating With The Tongs Of Honesty

    | Kent, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I work in a department store in the kitchenware and electrical department. The shop is famous for its open returns policy; i.e. a customer can pretty much return anything. As I’m in charge of returns, so this is usually a big headache.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need this to bring these items in. It’s a bit of long story.”

    Me: “Uh sure, is there a fault with them?”

    Customer: “Oh no, it’s just that I ordered a pair of cooking tongs from your website, and my receipt just says one. I only get the amount for one debited from my account.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Customer: “Well, I only wanted one, but I had six sent to me and I called your helpline and they said post it in, but I wanted to bring it in to make sure it gets here.”

    Me: “Just so I’ve got this right: you only paid for one, receipted for one, you got six, and you’re bringing the other five back here?”

    Customer: “Yup! Do you need to check my order or something?”

    Me: “No! Sorry if I seem confused; this just never happens. I’ll take those and we’ll just add them. Thank you for your honesty, and here, have these tokens or some free coffee and cake from one of our cafe bars!”

    Customer: “Oh, no! Don’t give me those for being honest; have nice day!”

    (I told my line manager what happened. She said it wasn’t uncommon for the wrong amount of items to be sent, but we never usually get honest customers coming back!)

    Arabian Plights

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Top

    (I have a rather unusual name that leads people into thinking I’m from overseas. Not helping matters is that I have a slight accent because my mother is from New Zealand.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Fine, thanks.”

    (She looks at me and reads my name tag.)

    Customer: *slowly, while giving me the thumbs up* “I am very good, a-okay.”

    Me: *confused* “Well, okay then.”

    Customer: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “I live in [nearby neighbourhood].”

    Customer: “Where. Were. You. Born?”

    Me: “I was born in Australia, ma’am. I’ve lived here my whole life.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! That is not an Australian name; that’s a foreigner name!”

    Me: “It is a bit unusual, isn’t it? My parents found it in a baby book. Customers have told me it means ‘brunette’ in Arabic.”

    Customer: “Ah hah! That’s where you’re from. That’s why you have that ridiculous voice! First you blow up our soldiers, and now you’re working in our stores!”

    (She suddenly snatches a bag of biscuits from the counter and throws it at me. I’m too surprised to do anything, but thankfully my manager sees the whole thing and comes over.)

    Manager: *to me* “Go take a nice, long break, and let me finish up here.”

    Customer: “Yeah, get lost girlie! This nice Australian man is going to help me.”

    Manager: *smiles* “Ma’am, I was born in Iran and immigrated to Australia when I was three.”

    (The customer proceeds to scream in anger and throws something at my manager. She was thrown out of the store!)

    Speedy Service For Slow Minds

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (A customer calls in about new speeds for internet service we offer. It’s 10 minutes before I am getting off from work and she has the wrong department. She also has a very thick Russian accent.)

    Me: “Tech support, this is [name]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have your mega max speed and I heard you have a faster connection that I can upgrade to now.”

    Me: “Yes, that’s correct: we have a 30Mbs service, a 75, and even 100.”

    Customer: “Okay, great, I want it, and I want you to credit me for the amount of time I didn’t have it.”

    Me: “Okay, I can transfer you to customer service department were they can help you get the new speed, but I am sorry; we cant give you a credit for service you didn’t have.”

    Customer: “But you had the service and I didn’t have it! I had to hear about it from a friend that the service was available. Why was I not made aware of this service? I want credit for the time I didn’t have it.”

    Me: “I understand what you’re saying, but the service has been out for about 5-6 months. We sent out letters and we put up banners and even commercials. You didn’t see anything in regards to the new service?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Okay, well I can help you get this new service. But, I am sorry we are not going to give you a credit for a service that was available to you and you just didn’t subscribe to it.”

    Customer: “Oh, well… I’ll get the credit. I’ll just talk to you manager. Transfer me to customer service, thank you!”

    (She didn’t get the credit.)

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