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    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    | Athens, GA, USA | Bad Behavior

    (I’m a customer walking around the kitchen section of a department store.)

    Woman: *aggressively* “Where are your housewares?!”

    (I look around, utterly bewildered, but realize she is talking to me. We’re already standing in what I’d consider the housewares section.)


    Me: “IN. MY. HOUSE. B****!”

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 4


    | Houston, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

    Customer: *to friend* “I wish there were some kind of app that could tell you where stuff is in a specific store.”

    Me: “What was it you were looking for?”

    Customer’s Friend: “Oh! Soda?”

    Me: “Soda’s on aisle 10.”

    Customer’s Friend: “Ha, I guess she’s the app!”

    Me: “Just call me Siri!”

    Customer: *suddenly very sour* “Well, I could, but that would be stupid.”

    Me: “Heh, yeah, I guess.”

    (I proceeded to go on about my business, and put the exchange out of my mind. A couple weeks later, the same customer comes back.)

    Customer: “Hey, last time I was here, you helped me out and I was kind of rude to you. I just wanted to let you know I didn’t even realize it until my friend told me I was being a jacka**, and I’m sorry.”

    (I thanked him and told him he was forgiven. If only all rude customers had friends like that!)

    Not Exactly A Bright Spark

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (Through my high school years I had worked as a contractor. When I go to college I help pay my way through by being a maintenance worker in the dormitories. It is my very first week of work, and I receive a work order that the power is out in the wall opposite the entry door. I arrive at the apartment and the resident lets me in before returning to her room. I proceed to check every outlet in the room and find they are all working perfectly.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, which wall was it that has no power? There seems to be a mix up in the description I received.”

    Tenant: “Oh, it’s this one right here.”

    (The tenant points to the wall that was described and tested first.)

    Me: “Well, what kind of problems are you having with it? I tested it and the outlet on this wall seems to be working just fine.”

    Tenant: “No, the outlet is not working. There is no power. See, look!”

    (She flips the switch to the lamp that is plugged in up and down a few times.)

    Tenant: “There’s no power!”

    (I bend down to check under the lamp shade and see a clearly blackened bulb. Upon unscrewing it, it makes the distinctive rattle.)

    Me: “Well, here is your problem: the bulb is dead.”

    Tenant: “What do you mean it’s dead?!”

    Me: “Well, the bulb is burnt out. I can get you a new one; it’s no problem.”

    Tenant: “Well, how can you even tell?!”

    Losing English Patience

    | OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words, Math & Science, School

    (I work at a sandwich shop across the street from a high school. I serve a lot of teachers who come over here for lunch.)

    Me: “You want a turkey on white with tomato? That’s [price].”

    Customer #1: “Oh, and can I have a bottle of water?”

    Me: “‘Course!”

    Customer #1: *scoffs* “I can’t believe you just said that. As an English teacher, I think I should tell you that saying that isn’t proper English.”

    Me: *not sure what to say* “Um… sorry?”

    Customer #1: “There you go again! Those are fragments, not complete sentences! All the other teachers who come in here would be ashamed.”

    (The customer behind her speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, well, I’m a math teacher, and trust me, we don’t care.”

    Customer Time Out


    By Pearls Before Swine.

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