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    Sum-thing Wrong With Our Schools

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I am working the circulation desk at the downtown public library. A patron walks to the desk with a few DVD’s in hand.)

    Patron: “Hi! How many DVDs can I get?”

    Me: “You can have up to 20 checked out at once.”

    (The patron places his DVD’ on the counter.)

    Patron: “So, here I have…”

    (There is a bit of a pause as he is thinking.)

    Me: “…3?”

    Patron: “Yes! 3 DVD’s. And you said I could get…”

    (Another pause.)

    Me: “…20.”

    Patron: “Okay, 20 total. That means I can still get…”

    (A rather long pause, while the patron is clearly thinking very hard.)

    Me: “…17 more.”

    Patron: “Whoa! You’re really good with math!”

    Despicable Free

    | New Zealand | Awesome Workers, Holidays

    (It’s the holiday season and my 6-year-old daughter and I are in our local library. Money had been a little bit tight lately, since we’ve had to spend on decorations and presents and I’m a single parent. The library loans out DVDs, $5 for a week but there is a special section where kids DVDs are free and they are generally Disney movies or kids cartoons/TV shows.)

    My Daughter: “Mom, can I get this Despicable Me DVD please? It was in the kids section!”

    Me: “Sure thing sweetie. Let me just get my card so we can go.”

    (As I self issue the DVD out, I realise it was misplaced in the kids’ section and actually costs $5. My daughter sees this on the screen.)

    My Daughter: “No mom, it’s too expensive! I don’t want it anymore.”

    Me: “It’s only 5 dollars! It’s fine; we can get it.”

    My Daughter: “No no no! I don’t want it anymore!”

    (Not wanting to cause a tantrum from her, I go up to the library assistant behind the counter.)

    Me: “Hi there, I issued out this DVD a couple of minutes ago, but my daughter doesn’t want it anymore. I was wondering if I could return please?”

    Library Assistant: “Is there something wrong with the DVD?”

    Me: “Oh, not at all. There was just a little misunderstanding with the price.”

    Library Assistant: “Oh. Well, tell you what! Take it for free. Just give me your card and I’ll take the charge off.”

    Me: “Thank you! I know it doesn’t seem like much but, $5 is a lot to us. Thank you so much, happy holidays!”

    (When I returned to my daughter with the DVD in my hand and told her the whole story, she was grinning from ear to ear. She got up and ran by herself to thank the lovely library assistant and he even gave her a high-five! We’re much better off now, but I’ll never forget that small act of kindness.)

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work as a food runner for a hospital. My job requires me to wear a tuxedo. One day after work, I stop by a nearby dollar store to get a soda. I’m sitting on the bench outside the store drinking my soda when a fancy car pulls up right in front of me. A man gets out and walks around the car.)

    Man: “Ahem.”

    (I look up at him and see he’s looking right at me, but I don’t do anything.)

    Man: *louder* “Ahem!”

    Me: “What?”

    Man: “You incompetent moron! Do you need to be told how to do your job?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Man: “That’s it, you’ve just lost your tip. Now get over here and park my car.”

    (I realized he must think I’m a valet because I’m still wearing my tux.)

    Me: “I don’t work here, dude. Leave me alone.”

    Man: “You will address me as ‘sir’, and you will do your job right now, or I will go into that store, find your manager and have you fired for your unprofessional behavior. Look at you, drinking cola while you’re on the job! It’s because of people like you that our economy is collapsing!”

    Me: “Listen, a**hole, I already told you I don’t work here. Leave me alone and park your own d*** car.”

    Man: “That does it, I’m going to find your manager! You’ll be standing in line at the soup kitchen this time next week!”

    (He locks his car door and storms into the store. About five minutes later, he returns with the store manager, pointing furiously at me.)

    Man: “There, you see? That’s the valet who refused to park my car and insulted me! I demand that you fire him immediately!”

    (The manager looks at him like he’s insane.)

    Manager: “Sir, we don’t have valets. He doesn’t work here.”

    Man: “I don’t want to hear your excuses! You will fire that man immediately!”

    Manager: “I told you already, that guy doesn’t work for us. This is [name of store].”

    Man: “Have you all lost your minds? You think that because Obama’s in the White House that you can get away with not showing me the respect I deserve? You think Obama will save you after people like you destroy this country?”

    (The man rants about President Obama and the “destruction of American values” for a good two minutes. The manager is too stunned to say anything. Finally the man gets back in his car and drives away. The manager looks at me and I just shrug.)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    No ID, No Idea, Part 10

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Underaged

    (At the theater, we’re required to double-check the IDs of patrons attending rated R films if they look under 21. If a patron under 21 is not escorted by a guardian OVER 21, they cannot come in. A guest and her boyfriend approach the ticket-taking area.)

    Me: *taking their tickets* “Can I see your IDs, please?”

    (The guest hands me her ID, but I see that she’s only twenty.)

    Guest’s Boyfriend: “I forgot mine.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. Your girlfriend is under 21, so she doesn’t qualify to be your guardian, and I can’t let you in without an ID stating that you’re at least 17.”

    Guest: “Baby, why didn’t you bring your ID?”

    Guest’s Boyfriend: “It’s not my fault she’s being a b****!”

    Me: “Excuse me? Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Guest’s Boyfriend: “Well, I’m not leaving.”

    Me: *on the radio* “[Security guard], could you come to the front please?”

    Security: “What’s going on?”

    (As I explain the situation, as the guest simply stares at the guard. He’s a very large Hispanic man in a suit.)

    Security: “Did you really call her that?”

    Guest’s Boyfriend: “I, uh…”

    Security: “Leave. Now, buddy.”

    Guest’s Boyfriend: “Man!” *leaves*

    (The guest goes back to the box office to demand a refund. Because he was technically kicked out for misconduct, it wasn’t required for us to give him a refund. My coworker in the box office comes out to speak to me.)

    Coworker: “He’s asking for a refund, but I told him it would be up to you.”

    (I look and see the guest staring irritably down at the box office counter.)

    Me: “He can have his refund, but he can’t come back in tonight.”

    (We never saw him again.)

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 9

    Laptop Flop, Part 2

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Technology

    (I work in a technology help desk fixing computers. A preteen girl brings in her laptop. The entire left side is damaged, and quite badly.)

    Girl: “My laptop isn’t working and I don’t know why.”

    Me: “Well, it may have to do with the damage on the side.”

    Girl: “What damage?”

    Me: “The entire left side of your laptop is smashed up.”

    Girl: *surprised* “Oh! When did that happen?”

    Me: “Have you dropped it recently?”

    Girl: “Well, yeah, I’m really klutzy, so I tend to drop it out of my car when I go to school.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, we can take a look at it and try to fix it for you so your laptop works again. In the future, try not to drop your laptop so much.”

    Girl: “Oh, is it bad to drop it a lot?”

    Related:
    Laptop Flop

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