(I am entering my local supermarket to do the weekly shop. There is a man from a well-known car insurance and breakdown company outside selling his products.)
Man: “Can I talk to you about our breakdown cover?”
Me: “No thanks.”
Man: “Who is your insurance provider?”
Me: *jokingly* “That’s none of your business!”
Man: “But that’s why I’m here!”
Me: “But it’s not why I’m here.”
Man: “Touché!”
(I am in high school. During lunch, seniors are allowed to go out to eat. Due to not having a class scheduled afterwards, my girlfriend and I can actually take our time to get a proper meal. We go to a fast-food place that is fairly close to the school.)
Me: “Hello. I’d like three chicken sandwiches, a large fries and two small sodas.”
Cashier: “All right, sir, that will be [price].”
(We pay and move to the back of the restaurant to wait for our order. Since the restaurant is fairly crowded, we decide to simply pull out a pair of books and read for a bit. After a while I decide to see how our orders are going.)
Me: “Sorry to bother you, but we’ve been waiting fifteen minutes for our order; are you guys backed up or is there something wrong?”
Cashier: “Don’t you rush us, kid. Can’t you see we have a lot of orders to handle?! You’ll get your food when it’s ready and don’t you bother me again.”
(Not wanting a fight, I simply go back to reading. After another 10 minutes have passed, the restaurant has cleared out of the other students, and my girlfriend and I look up to see the assistant manager.)
Assistant Manager: “Look, kids, we can’t have you loitering around. Now, the [High School] lunch period is almost over, so why don’t you get back to class before you’re truant?”
Girlfriend: “Whoa, were not leaving without our food. How long does it take to make three sandwiches and a side of fries?!””
(My girlfriend hands the assistant manager our receipt.)
Assistant Manager: “Excuse me, miss.”
(The assistant manager goes into the back room and we hear some mumbling, followed by a yell.)
Assistant Manager: “30 minutes ago?! Why hasn’t this order been filled out yet?!”
(After several minutes scrambling, we finally get our order from a rather embarrassed assistant manager.)
Assistant Manager: “I am so sorry for the delay. Apparently one of our cashiers didn’t see you in the restaurant anymore, and figured you had already left and simply cancelled your order in the queue. If you don’t have time to eat, I can easily refund your money and offer you a gift card for $10.00 on any future orders.”
Me: “We actually do have time to eat due to our schedules.”
Assistant Manager: “Well that’s a relief. But I’ll still give you the card. Sadly, one of my employees resents the heavy student lunch rush, and frequently ‘forgets’ orders so he doesn’t have to deal with them.”
(I found out a few week later that the employee in question was transferred to the graveyard shift so he wouldn’t have to deal with ‘annoying students’ anymore. Now he’s stuck dealing with stoners and hangovers.)
(I work in a car insurance call center.)
Customer: “Oh, the policy isn’t in my name.”
Me: “May I speak to the policy holder to get permission to speak to you and add you to the policy?”
Customer: “No, she’s not speaking to me.”
Me: “Okay, well that just means I am unable to give you any information or make any changes for you at this point of time.”
Customer: “But it’s my car! She just took me off all the policies after I cheated on her.”
(I have no idea what to say.)
Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just call back and pretend I’m her.” *click*
(I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)
Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”
Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”
Guest: “And when will that be?”
Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”
Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”
Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”
Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*
(I work in a skin and body care store part time. We have dozens of different scents and lotion types.)
Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”
Customer: “Yes, I need a lotion.”
Me: “Absolutely! Did you need something ultra-moisturizing, or hypoallergenic? Or maybe a certain scent?”
Customer: “Just give me one that smells good.”
Me: “Okay, do you prefer floral scents, or fruity ones, or—”
Customer: “God, why are you making this so difficult? Just give me one that smells good! How hard can that be?”
Me: “Well, ma’am, what I think smells good may not be what you think smells good. Every customer is different.”
Customer: “Just give me some d*** lotion!”
Me: *sighs* “Here, try this one.”
(I hand her our best-selling verbena lotion.)
Customer: “Thank you, was that so hard?”
(One hour later…)
Customer: “I want to return this lotion! It smells TERRIBLE! Why would you give this to me?”
Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. The outlet store does not allow returns. However, if you would like to tell me what kind of scent you prefer, maybe we can exchange it.”
Customer: *grumbles* “Fine. Got anything in rose?”
