Guest: “Hi. So, I am going to go to see Neuschwanstein the day after tomorrow; I am meeting a friend there.”

(Neuschwanstein Castle is 700 km, around 435 miles or at least a six-hour drive from Berlin. I assume he wants to leave Berlin and stay somewhere in Bavaria close to the castle.)

Me: “Great, they tell me it’s well worth the trip.”

Guest: “That’s what I heard. So, do you reckon I could be back here in time for the pub crawl?”

Me: “Um… no, I don’t think so, unfortunately. It’s 700 km from here.”

Guest: “Yeah. That’s only like 100 miles, right? I got a rental car. And you guys have the Autobahn, after all. I reckon it shouldn’t take me more than an hour one way!”

(A customer has just bought a paper, and since it’s a quiet day, I make some small talk with him. It is currently very bad weather for the time of the year. It’s cold and very windy.)

Me: “So, did you make it through the storm?”

Customer: “Well, I survived, but it’s so cold!”

Me: “Yeah, I—”

Customer: “I think it’s a conspiracy from the European Union.”

Me: “I’m sorry, how?”

Customer: “The EU is making the weather extra cold, so we use more gas for the heater, and we have higher gas bills.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure the EU doesn’t have the technology to control the weather.”

Customer: “You never know with the EU!”

Me: “But controlling the weather—”

Customer: “You know how they are! For example, now with all the fuss about Cyprus. All they did was spend the same amount of money as Germany, but Germany is fine, and Cyprus is in a crisis!”

Me: “But Germany is a lot bigger than Cyprus.”

Customer: “Yeah, they sure are!”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

(My clothing store has just sent out an email announcing ‘Winter Sale Underway!’ )

Me: “Hello, [Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering if you have any ‘Underway’?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “Do you have any ‘Underway’?”

Me: “Do you mean underwear?”

Caller: “No! ‘Underway’! It’s a brand, and it’s supposed to be on sale!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I’m not familiar with that brand.”

Caller: “God! You’re useless! Get me someone who knows what ‘Underway’ is!”

(I hand the phone off to the manager, who goes through the same conversation.)

Manager: “Ma’am, ‘Winter Sale Underway’ means that a winter sale is coming. ‘Underway’ isn’t a brand.”

Customer: *hangs up*

(We still don’t know if the customer came for the sale.)

(I am currently serving a couple. We are the first restaurant that tourists heading west come to after passing through the largest rock slide in Canadian history.)

Man: “That rock slide thing was incredible. Do you know anything about it?”

Me: “Actually, yes I know quite a bit. The mountain fell one morning in 1903; 82 million tonnes of rock fell on the sleeping mining town below and killed almost 90 people. The town remains buried. There is an interpretive center where you can learn more if you would like.”

Woman: “That’s okay dear; I do have one question though.”

Me: “Sure, if I know the answer I would be happy to tell you something about the area.”

Woman: “How did they make the rocks jump and miss the highway?”

Me: “Um… well they didn’t. The slide happened in 1903. They put the highway in after, ma’am.”

Woman: “Well I don’t understand; how did they do that?”

(Thankfully at this point, I have to go and deal with some other customers. I can still hear her asking her husband as they leave, to explain it one more time.)

(We often have contests between stores as to who can sell the most items. This week, it is a specific brand of hat. To promote sales, I am wearing one with Muhammad Ali on it. I am also female.)

Customer: *scoffs* “Why are you wearing Muhammad Ali?”

Me: “I like him.”

Customer: “Oh yeah? What did you think about the fight between him and Cassius Clay?”

Me: “I was pretty impressed, considering that I wasn’t aware that he could bend space and time to fight himself before be changed his name.”

Customer: “…whatever.”